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A preview of motherhood

It's been almost 10 weeks and I am finally returning to work. For the last 10 weeks, I've experienced motherhood at its worst and at its best. Whether good or bad, motherhood has certainly brought some growth in my life experience and you can call it a milestone. I feel that I have 'matured' a little bit - haha. It's very strange that now, I think like a parent instinctively - it's really wierd that now I can offer some good reasons to why some parents do the things they do or say the things they say. I want to be the mother who will express clearly my love and affection to her. I was raised in a culture where my parents do not say what they mean or do not mean what they say. They may have meant well but when it comes out of their mouth, it can sound so wrong, so unloving, so nagging, so irritating... probably it might have been the way my parents themselves were brought up.

I think being a mother has changed me quite a bit. I am progressively being thawed by Charis. It's quite amazing that now I am more patient with her fusses, although I do not give in to her when i know that she is obviously being fussy, I am surprised that I am not as irritated as I was. I can tell her quite patiently to return back to sleep without raising my voice or my temperature. I will attend to her crying without feeling a sense of loss of what to do or feeling that what I had done previously will be undone. It's just how very strange motherhood slowly metamorphosed me inwardly and that change was hardly noticeable until I suddenly realized that I have changed.

Caring for Charis and holding her brings a lot of joy and satisfaction. Even her daddy expressed recently how he was missing her as he was hospitalised for a few days due to drug allergy. Well. A little preview and I'm sure more discoveries about parenthood will be made along the way.

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