Skip to main content

A preview of motherhood

It's been almost 10 weeks and I am finally returning to work. For the last 10 weeks, I've experienced motherhood at its worst and at its best. Whether good or bad, motherhood has certainly brought some growth in my life experience and you can call it a milestone. I feel that I have 'matured' a little bit - haha. It's very strange that now, I think like a parent instinctively - it's really wierd that now I can offer some good reasons to why some parents do the things they do or say the things they say. I want to be the mother who will express clearly my love and affection to her. I was raised in a culture where my parents do not say what they mean or do not mean what they say. They may have meant well but when it comes out of their mouth, it can sound so wrong, so unloving, so nagging, so irritating... probably it might have been the way my parents themselves were brought up.

I think being a mother has changed me quite a bit. I am progressively being thawed by Charis. It's quite amazing that now I am more patient with her fusses, although I do not give in to her when i know that she is obviously being fussy, I am surprised that I am not as irritated as I was. I can tell her quite patiently to return back to sleep without raising my voice or my temperature. I will attend to her crying without feeling a sense of loss of what to do or feeling that what I had done previously will be undone. It's just how very strange motherhood slowly metamorphosed me inwardly and that change was hardly noticeable until I suddenly realized that I have changed.

Caring for Charis and holding her brings a lot of joy and satisfaction. Even her daddy expressed recently how he was missing her as he was hospitalised for a few days due to drug allergy. Well. A little preview and I'm sure more discoveries about parenthood will be made along the way.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

truth hurts but it heals too

2 nights ago, I asked a very close friend of mine if I am an insistent person. Haha.. without any second thoughts, she said yes. Wow, that drove a long nail right through my heart. If you ask, you'll get the answers. Of course, initially I would think to myself, I do not think I am an insistent person all the time but I only insist when I am sure about certain things close to my heart i.e. when I have been seeking God about it or it is IN my system due to long periods of conditioning e.g. spiritually or just my personal value system. That analysis certainly made me felt better but it also got me reflecting (truth heals). As I thought through, certainty about something for me will activate a wish/desire to see it happen immediately and NOW. If it is God's will, it is NOW. As I look back on buying our first flat, it was the same. When I first view the unit (my current place), I was quite sure that the house was IT. But my then fiance and husband now do not think so and asked me
7 comments
Read more

it's a girl!

Ok. after a long wait. Finally... the gynae is able to confirm that the baby is a girl. Although the disclaimer clause states 80% - 90% accuracy. :) Quite happy that every 'structure' is in place. She has 2 eyes, one nose, one mouth. two hands with five fingers on each hand, a beating heart, 2 kidneys, one stomach a brain... , one tiny head, feet measuring 3cm each and liver... (the nurse in the clinic used the word 'structure' so .....) The detailed scan is suppose to detect any abnormalities so the result so far is normal.... Curious to find out though what she will look like. I am thinking of keeping long hair for her but daddy says, no, short hair better. So, till then... we shall see. yup and not forgetting to keep praying for her to be a teachable and moldable kid and one who will love God always.
7 comments
Read more

6 weeks plus & 4.5mm

I went to the gynae yesterday. For the first time, I heard and saw the baby's heartbeat through the ultrasound scan. It's quite amazing at this point. The gynae told me that the baby is not feeding from me yet, it is attached to a yolk and the yolk is where it draws its nutrients from. It's just great to think that when God created the reproduction system, God saw to every detail. I wonder where did the yolk come from and how it is attached to the baby. It's a mystery to me but it causes me to sing yet again in praise to God. When people heard that I was pregnant, they would expressed their excitement in WOWS & YAYS. For myself, I didn't had such an expression. When I found out that I was pregnant via the test kit, I went "Oh, I am pregnant" - as a matter of factly. Similarly, when Adrian found out that I was pregnant, he had the same response as me. We weren't into screaming the whole house/neighbourhood down. For us, it was sober and thoughtful.
6 comments
Read more