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Tough Balance of Love

1 Corinthians 13:4 - 7
4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives
up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Recently I am finding it difficult to reconcile the call to love from the bible and living the love in this real world. No wonder people always quote, "realities are harsh". Am I being too idealistic or naive? I wonder as well.

While biblical love advocates, patience, kindness, not proud nor rude, not irritable, keeps no record of wrong yet in real life it is hard to reconcile what I know about love with the act of not loving as I should. I am still searching and asking myself and it has weighed me down for a full long day or days. I wish I could abandon this search and rescue mission of my own heart. I want to love the way the Word of God has defined but my wayward heart seems to be drawn further and further away from this truth. I am not sure why this apparent discrepancy is beating louder than ever. Truth is, it has always been there but I had never found the silence annoying. How I wished it would remain silenced, forever, buried beyond the abyss of eternity.

For me, to love unconditionally weighs on a tough balance. I want to love, i really really do. Yet I find it difficult to love when I disagree with the way things are done, I can't love. Whenever I disagree, I can't love. The only way when I can probably bring myself to love is probably if I were blind or deaf... Lord am I being deceived - save meeee

there's no escape route, no emergency door, I have to go through this, it seems.

That's why Christians are often branded as hypocrites. We have all the standards, set all the standards but are usually the ones who fail all the standards. Gandhi was put off one day when he was not allowed into the church because of his race. His life changed forever, literally. (http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/552.htm - check out this link for a brief history of the incident)

I have failed to love the way I should. The fact is, I am a feeler more than a thinker. I wish I am a thinker more than a feeler on such occassions when my heart fails me. I wanna love, yet when I don't sense the sincerity and genuine-ness of my own heart, i can't bring myself to act and pretend. I can't fool myself, let alone fool others.

Maybe I should love with my mind more than my heart. I hope to find my answers really soon. God help me as I grope along. Show me your face.

Comments

r.u.t.h. said…
yea. love is looking beyond the flaws... Jesus saw beyond my faults.

thanks george!
12:22 AM
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