You are the Potter, I am the clay

Teach me your ways - Psalms 86:11

2007-10-16T10:16:00.000+08:00

As a youth growing up, this song had a powerful 'effect' upon me everytime I sang it in church. I will sing it one of these days in church.. :)

Teach me your ways
Oh Lord, my God
That I may walk in Your truth
Give me a totally, undivided heart
That I may fear Your name

Purify my heart
Cleanse me Lord I pray
Remove from me all that is standing in the way
Purify my heart
Clease me Lord I Pray
Remove from me all that is standing in the way
Of your love
------------------------------> Lord, Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name

Swimming Day

2007-10-15T14:52:00.000+08:00

Took Charis for a dip today at the pool. She seemed to be 'enjoying' herself in this 'laid back' pic. I had a good time and I never knew swimming could be that relaxing. It seems that when I took into the pool and swam a few breadths with Charis, the heaviness in my head which I woke up with 'dissipated' into the waters. Honestly, I have never found swimming to have such a calming effect on me, or was it the presence of Charis that made the difference? I enjoy Charis most of the time. She is a gift (someone called her a new "toy") that I will never get tired or sick of. She's a toy that will always be 'updated' because she is growing every moment. Today she tried playing the keyboard and was wondering how come it didn't make any music because it was switched off. She turned, look at me and had that inquisitive look on her face. I simply smiled at her.

"When things on earth that cause the heart to tremble, remembered when will only bring a smile." - What causes my heart to tremble? When newspaper reports of a ferry carrying a load of passengers to Tioman for their holiday, only to be caught in a ferry of fire. When a budget airline crashes unexpectedly causing more than half its passengers their lives and many to lose their loved ones. What causes my heart to tremble? When I am struck with an illness and I am unable to bring up Charis, when I pass on before Charis can grow up and fend for her self, when I go away for mission work and not return because of a mishap. All these causes my heart to tremble... can i go, should i leave? Until Then, my heart will go on singing. I think about such things because I asked myself, what causes my heart to tremble? Yet what can make me sing again? It's when I look to the Lord and know that because HE LIVES, I CAN FACE tomorrow, because HE LIVES, ALL fear is gone, because I KNOW, I KNOW, He holds the future and life is worth the leaving just because He lives.

That's the hope I have, the hope that keeps me singing. Charis is a gift from the Lord and I thank God for this gift. May she grow up singing of this hope that keeps me loving and not fearing.

free burma

2007-10-04T09:00:00.001+08:00

Judge Not

2007-09-29T09:25:00.000+08:00

"Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eyes, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eyes." - Matthew 7:1-5 (NASB)

Otto Fong, used this principle to counter those who decided to 'judge' him because he openly shared that he is a gay. I admire his "courage" and "determination" to be who he is - he only asked for acceptance. His disclosure risked him losing his job as a teacher in the prestigious Raffles Institution whom he had been with for 8 years and also unwanted multiples of criticisms darted towards his sexual preference. On one hand I feel sympathetic but on the other hand I am ruled by the 'law'. Yes, we need to love him and not judge him but... the letter of the law demands...

When the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1 - 11) was dragged by the Scribes and the Pharisees to see Jesus, used the law and told Jesus that this woman had to be stone for her act, Jesus kept quiet and only wrote on the ground. The accusers did not give up and pressed Jesus for an answer. Jesus broke the silence and said to all present "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." - wow. I have always been awed by this profound statement of Jesus. The accusers left, one by one. No response of repentance from her. Only a reply to Jesus when asked where were her accusers, she simply said, "No one". Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no more."

Jesus was consistent with his teachings on "Judging". Even though he had the absolute right to do so and the woman was undoubtedly guilty, yet He withheld that right. The one thing he told the woman was to go and sin no more - her past no longer mattered, it was how she was going to live her life after the episode. Jesus was always gentle with those who were condemned and unrighteous but hard on those who thought of themselves righteous and dignified - those who had the logs in their own eyes.

As human beings we put values to things. We categorize them. If someone lied, it's not as bad as someone who committed adultery. Murder will certainly make headline news while bitterness, hate and anger remain in the closet. That is how we have been conditioned to think, Christians are not spared including myself. We categorize sin and put them on a scale from Big Sin to Small Sin. Big sin = murder, adultery, stealing, cheating... Small sin = lying, gossiping, hate, murmuring against a fellow brother, ... So for Mr Otto Fong, he has committed a big sin but our ocassional sin(s) -pardonable. I wonder what would Jesus say to Mr Fong.

There is such a thin line between Judging and Discerning. Ok, maybe not so thin a line because Judging is not justified but discerning is? I feel personally that judging belongs to God and that's His prerogative. Our duty is to discern (as we read God's word more and more, understand it more and more, reflect more and more, pray more and more) so that we can distinguish what is God's will and what is not. I do not think that judging and discerning are synonymous and they are as distinct as a cow is to a buffalo.

Judging is what one person does to another person based on what he/she thinks (result of studying the word of God) is right or wrong. Discernment is what takes place within a person as he/she seeks the Lord (result of studying the word of God and prayer) on the appropriate decision to make, behaviour to adopt, mindset to change etc... Discernment can also be a gift in the area of distinguishing between spirits so that the Christian would know how to pray against it as directed by the Holy Spirit.

We may discern about situations but we may not have to judge the situation. However, there are times (not everytime) we will have to make a judgement i.e. conclusion after discernment. It's very complicated to me and I am still mulling over it. One thing for sure, the Sermon on the Mount was addressed to everyone regardless of rank and file - Religious people and the common folks. I can't practise one and obliterate the other. Jesus says, "look into my own log first before I spot the speck in others."

Romans 12:2 "And do not be conformed to this world (age) but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove (to test, examine, prove, scrutinise [to see whether a thing is genuine or not], as metals to recognise as genuine after examination, to approve, deem worthy) what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

That's all for hair-splitting today. :)

Stand Still and Let God Move

2007-09-20T12:12:00.000+08:00

Stand Still - By The Isaacs

The Father has a plan. Though it's hard to see it now
You feel you're walking all alone. But He is there no doubt
When the storm around you rages, And you're tossed to and fro
When you're faced with life's decisions, Not sure which way to go

Stand still and let God move, Standing still is hard to do
When you feel you have reached the end, He'll make a way for you
Stand still and let God move

When the enemy surrounds you, And the walls are closing in
When the tide is swiftly rising, And you wonder where He's been
Friend, there never was a moment, That His arms weren't reaching out
You can rest assured and be secure, God is moving right now

Stand still and let God move, Standing still is hard to do
When you feel you have reached the end, He'll make a way for you
Stand still and let God move

Go to youtube.com search for Stand Still + Isaacs. Very beautiful song with meaningful lyrics.

Charis not Chairs

2007-09-14T12:28:00.000+08:00

Couldn't resist putting up this pic of her taken off Herng's phone. :P

I thought by giving her a two syllabus name, there will be NO confusion in pronouncing her name. However, I was wrong.

The first time we went to her paediatrician, she called her "CHAIR-RIS".. then i corrected her, it's "CARE-RIS"

Then, ms chan herngwei called her "CLARIS"

Then, one of the youth i spoke with online called her "CHAIRS"

Looks like she can't escape the mispronouncing of her name. :) Live with it girl, all of us go through it. I've been called "ROOF", "WUTH", etc... etc...

Henin! US OPEN VICTORY 2007

2007-09-10T15:45:00.000+08:00

Justine Henin wins the US Open title. Trouncing the Williams' Sisters in the same tournament. Her signature single backhand slice is what makes her stand out as a competitor and champion (at least to me).

Her never give up, never say die attitude is what inspires me.

Do it, lose, never mind. At least I've tried. Run to win the race!

Eulogy & Faithfulness

2007-09-08T11:34:00.001+08:00

This week, I attended two funeral wakes. As the Eulogies were delivered by the children/grand children. It makes me wonder how my Eulogy would sound like.

The Christian funeral makes it all very meaningful. We remember the deceased and how he/she had added to our lives. We think of how God had placed this person in our lives for a season and how his/her values have unknowingly been imparted to us. The youngest son of Mdm Chua said that while his mum "was uneducated, she had always taught them to live honest and honorable lives". That was when I was reminded that education does not teach us to be morally upright. Literacy may not necessarily be the means to a life of integrity.

The other person who passed on this week was Mr See. He is a nice and friendly man with no air of superiority or seniority. Often after the Sunday service, I would go up to him and we would chat freely without difficulties. I was often at ease with Mr See because his warm, friendly and sunny smile would have broken the ice. Whenever I hear of him being in the hospital, I would instinctively want to pay him a visit. Once, he shared that he checked himself into the hospital and I asked him why, he said, "I don't want to troubled my daughters..., they are working and are busy." Such is the kind consideration of a man who has gone home.

What would my eulogy be? ...

Came across an interesting verse yesterday. Proverbs 25:19 (NLT)
"Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot".

Am i a broken tooth or a healthy tooth?
Am i a lame foot or a strong foot?

It's how I live now that is important, it's how I treat my people that will make a lasting impact.

Pauses of Life

2007-08-28T11:39:00.000+08:00

This morning I was caught in the rain while I went for my usual marketing routine. As I waited for the rain to stop, I was forced to pause and wait. I remember telling someone on Sunday that I would rather walk to my destination then wait for the transport to come to me.

I was compelled to pause. To look at the rain and think about God and life. To reflect on why pauses are necessary in life. God does not want me to cover the breadth of life only but also the depth of life as well. "Thicken the hide but not the heart" - Easy to quote but challenging to live it. It's a constant reflection of my own attitude towards service to God, towards others and how I live my life.

The missions calling is still a very real part of me. I know God had spoken. This period is a pause for me, to stay faithful to the things God has called me to do. God says, the Macedonia Call" will come. It will be very very clear from Him. I will leave the "when" to God. Like I always tell others, blossom where you are planted. Where I am and in all that God has given to me, I must be faithful and be fruitful.

Lord, I want to fulfill my dues in Jerusalem.

Charis woke up with a cough this morning and at the slightest cough, she'll whimpered... while I watched her falling asleep, my heart was filled with love for her. I prayed that God will heal her of this cough and she'll experience God's touch and be able to sleep uninterrupted. As I did that, I sense God's love for me as well. God wants to give to us His best and His love for us never cease.

Thank God for pauses in our lives and for OFF DAYS! YAY!

Some pictures to brighten up my blog

2007-08-27T14:32:00.000+08:00

Mysterious Baby

"milkmaid" baby

She seemed to be enjoying her "new look"

Adrian and me having dinner together for his birthday

Go, Go, Go

2007-08-25T09:52:00.000+08:00

Missions have always been a part of me. Recently I couldn't even tell whether what I was feeling was the result of a personal ambition that needs to be fulfilled or whether God was calling and wooing me again. The lines are very blurred between the former and the latter. I have always felt passionately about it because it's the thing that always kept me looking forward. It will always be my soft spot. God has blessed us to be a blessing. Am I?

I came before the Lord and surrendered myself to Him. I told the Lord that if He opens the door, no one can shut and if He shuts the door, no one can open. I choose to put myself at God's disposal and be where He wants me. I believe the day will come where I know God will speak so clearly to me that I will know that it is his will for me to pack and go, of course together with my family.

I pray that Charis will learn the life of faith the moment she is able to speak, listen and understand. May our journey with God be life long lessons of faith and trust in His love and provisions.

no turning back, no turning back.

Limiting our Liberty

2007-08-21T14:04:00.000+08:00

1 Corinthians 10:31 - 33
"Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense either to Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God; just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved." (NASB)

What's wrong with the prosperity gospel....

2007-08-21T10:18:00.000+08:00

Recently I find myself once again locking horns with the prosperity gospel preachers. The added intensity came when someone passed me some booklets written by John Avazini, http://www.avanziniministries.org/content/. The goal of his ministry is this: "To teach God's people the uncompromised truth about Biblical Economics while delivering an anointing for financial victory." Notice that Bibilcal Economics are in caps. Many of his 'prosperity truths' are scriptures that have been taken out of the context of the passage, misintepretated and misquoted. One example is he takes Mark 4:20 "And those are the ones on whom seed was sown on the good soil; and they hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirty, sixty and a hundredfold." He says the seed is the money that we have to give and the good soil is the good ministries that are around e.g. ministries that is Christ-centered and preaching the gospel. So if we accept the word (what he says of seed = money and sowing it on good soil), we will receive, thirty, sixty and hundredfold in terms of financial blessing. I am very disturbed.

I asked myself, what was the goal of Jesus' ministry? Biblical Economics? More often than not. Jesus spoke about giving away. Jesus highlighted the widow's two mites, her giving was the most in light of the others who gave out of their abundance. Jesus defined what giving sacrificially meant and not how her giving would be rewarded or she will reap a financial harvest. When Paul in 1 Corinthian 9:6 - 15 spoke about "sowing sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully..", yes, Paul was talking about giving in terms of money however if we continue to read the whole passage, what we reap bountifully can be in terms of blessings besides money - vs 10. "Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of righteouness. The word "HE" refers to God, God is the one who enables us to give and He will be the one who will multiply our seed, i.e. ability to give. He will also be the one who will increase the harvest of righteouness. The phrase "harvest of righteouness" is old testament reference taken from Psalm 112:9 "He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever;his horn is exalted in honor." Hence, the word righteouness in 2 Corinthian was quoted with the background of giving to the poor. It's important for scriptures to interpret scriptures so that we gain a correct understanding of what it means.

So what's wrong with the prosperity gospel?
1. The focus of teaching is always on financial prosperity and gain
2. It usually quotes verses and interpret it out of context of what the whole passage means. That's eisegesis which means intepretation of the text using one's own ideas. We need to exegete, let scriptures interpret scriptures, do word studies, gather background information to find out what the passage truly means.
3. They often refer to the word "seed" as money... which is not how scripture defines seed.

Having stated my views against the prosperity gospel, I believe God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory - Philippians 4:19. Notice the word is "NEEDS" not "WANTS"... God's supply to our needs and not to meet the extravangances of our lifestyles. Give generously and reaping material benefit only is not a cause and effect principle.

1,2,3 Smile...

2007-08-15T16:45:00.000+08:00

Charis' smile

On North Korea

2007-08-14T12:46:00.001+08:00

Just watched a documentary on North Korea, through the lives of 2 girls who trained hard for the mass games i.e. NK's national day parade. They were gymnasts and their lives revolve arounds their family, school and training... Those who made the cut were selected to display their skill at the mass games. It's also from the interviews of these girls that I took a peek into the lives of the north koreans in Pyong Yang.

Every household is given a radio wired up by the govt and placed in the kitchen. The radio can't be turned off except by adjusting the volume. Messages about the great leader would be played 24/7. TV programs only come on for 5 hours a day and heroes of the land would be played over and over again. Even the cartoons were about young boys and girls wanting to join the people's army and serving the general. At school, one of the history lesson shown was about the great leader and his attributes which are, Great Ideology, Great LEadership - oops i forgot the last one. They openly talk about the US being the Imperialist and their greatest enemy. While they do not have CNN or BCC, the students were able to answer the teacher when she asked, who is the US attacking now? They unanimously replied, "Iraq". Talk about brainwash.

The girls were finally selected to participate in the mass games. The night before, the older girl had this longing look on her eye, wondering to herself, if the general would be there to see her perform. She said, if he can't be there, she would be very disappointed. Her grandma consoled by sayin, "The General may be busy with the affairs of the country, that is more important, even if he can't be there, don't be too disappointed." (paraphrased). Indeed, the General wasn't there for the performance and he didn't turn up at all for the next 20 days as these performers did their act twice a day for the next 20 days.

The adoration for their great leader was simply astounding. They lived for the General. Parents' hope for their children was that they could serve the People's army - if they are boys or serve the country in whatever capacity. If the government can't provide for them, they will not blame the government. Instead, they will learn to provide for themselves. Everybody is trained to think as a team and never as an individual.

It's also very surprising that you don't see pushing and shoving when boarding the bus despite the long queues. Everyone behaves in an orderly manner.

This ideology is deeply embedded in every NKorean. It's a socialism they are happy and contented with. It is spiritual as well. On a visit to the sacred mountain called paedu peak - where legend has it that the leader or country came from this mountain. The girl who visited this mountain said that by thinking of the scenes from the mountain, it has strengthened her will to continue to train hard for the mass games eventhough it was very tiring for her.

they only have one goal: live to please the general.

Wedding and Wedding

2007-08-11T15:48:00.000+08:00

My long weekend has been punctuated by wedding and wedding. 9 August was the wedding of Jachin and Yellowrose's and today, 11 August was Lester and Freda's. It's interesting that I've been in RCC for 4 years. How time flies. Jachin, Yellowrose, Lester and Freda are all the new friends I met at RCC. Thank God for them.

Jachin is the highly Mr organized. He's very pleasant and what every mum would want her son to be like.
Yellowrose has this calm disposition. Even her excitement is calmly exclaimed. :)
Lester is the Mr Prim and Proper. Although the only child, he's surprisingly kind, pleasant and unspoilt. Sensible.
Freda is Ms Prim and Proper too. She is very nice, gentle and has definite views on matters that are important to her.

As I sat through their solemnization, I remembered that my wedding passed not too faraway. I would recall the vows I've made and the words given to us on our wedding day. Indeed, loving each other for better, for worse, for poorer, for richer, in sickness and in health. A good reminder always.

These two weddings touched me a great deal. Both the groom wrote songs for their bride and that was so sweet. When I asked my husband how come he didn't write any song for me, he told me, he told somebody to write it. hahaha. so funny - humph. I was significantly touched when they were thanking their parents for bringing them up and lovingly caring for them. At Jachin's speech, I couldn't control my tears from flowing out. He thanked his parents for providing him with a lovely and warmth home. At Lester's speech, I managed to swallow back my tears. When Freda thanked her mum for always being so self sacrificing, it warmed my heart.

I wonder, what my daughter would say to me when she grows up. I hope that we can give her a warm home that's filled with love and care. Even in the times of discipline, she will know our love. Being a parent has allowed me to experience new sets of emotions. Charis' s megawatt smile is simply amazing. She is really a gift.

random feelings

2007-07-31T11:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes what I feel and what is real are entirely different. What I feel may not be what is factual or real. Sometimes I question the objectivity in any statement made by anybody. Isn't our objectivity still influenced by our own biaseness? ? ?
I don't know. Unless our objectivity is based on facts and not presented after our own intepretation - it is still subjective I feel.

I think I am not making sense but that's alright. Welcome to my complex mind. Not complex for some but quite complex to me.

Lord, when? When are you sending me out? - God says his timing is perfect. I will not look at situations or circumstances. I've surrender myself to Him. I feel so passionate towards mission until I can't tell whether this passion is from God or from myself anymore. I just surrender.

When the preacher, John Elliot came and gave the charge. My heart was so moved but I know I have surrendered to God too many times. I stood where I was and I told the Lord, Lord, you know my heart.

Accept the limitations of people. Anyone. Nobody's perfect. Dump the ideals. Love and accept.

Even though... yet I will praise, i will sing

2007-07-20T18:16:00.000+08:00

This is a long overdue post.

End of June, Adrian and myself attended a movie screening in church. The title of the movie was "Facing the giants". The main theme of the movie is to have faith in God regardless of circumstances and we can conquer the giants we face in our lives. The main story revolves around a high school football team, his coach, his wife and family. The coach was on the brink of losing his job because he wasn't able to lead the football team to win on the local league. However, as He surrendered himself to God and really challenged his team about playing for God and for his honour, the team began to taste victory.

The message i received from this show was, "Prepare for rain". There was this elderly man who kept praying for the students that they might be spiritually revived. When he was being asked why he kept doing this without seeing any results, he said he was preparing for rain.

The final outcome of the story was Shiloh Eagles, the high school football team went on to win the states championship and defeated the title holders who won it for 3 years consecutively.

Adrian and myself were discussing about this movie after the screening. I thought the ending was too perfect and fairytale-like. It would have been interesting IF they didn't win the states championship. How would they respond to God? It is easy to give thanks when everything in our lives went on well. The challenge comes when we experience a setback or a failure situation.

So it was, the week before my maternity leave came to an end - last week of June. Adrian encouraged me to really 'enjoy' myself by going out with my friends. I went ahead to make all the appointments and was quite excited about it. However, the weekend before that, Adrian developed some rashes on his body. To cut the long story short, he was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday for drug allergy. My plans were foiled. It was a trying week as I had to shuttle to the hospital everyday for the next 7 days and care for Charis at the same time. It was the week, I learned to praise God in times of difficulties. I had to intentional bring myself to focus on God daily as negative thoughts about the situation would always linger in the wait to pounce at my faith.

Out of this whole situation, I've learnt to put my trust in God and to praise Him despite the situation. I guess God taught me how to sing in the midst of darkness and uncertainties. It wasn't easy at all but it was possible because of His grace. I guess God heard me when I said that it would be easy to give thanks when everything in my life was well. He gave me an opportunity to learn thanksgiving amist trial.

Terima Kasih Tuhan Yesus.

A preview of motherhood

2007-06-29T21:42:00.001+08:00

It's been almost 10 weeks and I am finally returning to work. For the last 10 weeks, I've experienced motherhood at its worst and at its best. Whether good or bad, motherhood has certainly brought some growth in my life experience and you can call it a milestone. I feel that I have 'matured' a little bit - haha. It's very strange that now, I think like a parent instinctively - it's really wierd that now I can offer some good reasons to why some parents do the things they do or say the things they say. I want to be the mother who will express clearly my love and affection to her. I was raised in a culture where my parents do not say what they mean or do not mean what they say. They may have meant well but when it comes out of their mouth, it can sound so wrong, so unloving, so nagging, so irritating... probably it might have been the way my parents themselves were brought up.

I think being a mother has changed me quite a bit. I am progressively being thawed by Charis. It's quite amazing that now I am more patient with her fusses, although I do not give in to her when i know that she is obviously being fussy, I am surprised that I am not as irritated as I was. I can tell her quite patiently to return back to sleep without raising my voice or my temperature. I will attend to her crying without feeling a sense of loss of what to do or feeling that what I had done previously will be undone. It's just how very strange motherhood slowly metamorphosed me inwardly and that change was hardly noticeable until I suddenly realized that I have changed.

Caring for Charis and holding her brings a lot of joy and satisfaction. Even her daddy expressed recently how he was missing her as he was hospitalised for a few days due to drug allergy. Well. A little preview and I'm sure more discoveries about parenthood will be made along the way.

Building Project

2007-06-23T14:03:00.000+08:00

The Church I go to will soon be going through a rebuilding project. It is exciting times ahead and a season of faith for many of us. Currently there's a fund raising project that plans to raise 1 million within a month. This new initiative is on top of the monthly pledge that we've put in.

Certainly God has been stretching my faith and I see myself responding to him. Not that I have an astronomical figure written on the card but certainly I knew God had stretched me...

The pledge is also called the sacrifiical faith pledge which calls for a change of lifestyle and a call to give even if we do not have the amount yet.

I hesitate about pledging an amount that I do not even have yet in my bank a/c - aka faith pledge... maybe for me, it's more a sacrificial pledge which requires faith and sacrifice at the same time.

My thoughts kept drifting back to the account of Jesus, when he praised the widow who gave her two mites as one who gave her all. Not that I am seeking the praise but rather the attitude behind her giving. To me, she gave all that she had (out of her poverty) and lived by faith, trusting that her daily need will be well provided for by her Saviour.

I will give my best and trust that my daily needs will be taken care of by my Saviour because He is my Everything.

Expressions

2007-06-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

Hahahah. Guess what this 'bored housewife' did during her 'free' time?

I took pictures of Charis.

She has very amusing expressions and each one is different.
Since I found it to be interesting,

I decided to share it.

:)

Surrender

2007-06-11T11:27:00.000+08:00

It's easier to sing a song of surrender to God than to live the life of surrenderedness. So easy to respond to an altar call promising to God that we want to surrender but when the situation comes for us to live that surrender, we squirm, struggle, wrestle and sometimes quit surrendering because it is so hard to hand over the control of my life.

It's always easy to believe in God when things are going well for us but when things go the other way, we struggle to grasp faith. Faith becomes more abstract on such a day, such a season. Singing an old song gave new meaning...

Into Your hands, I commit again
With all I am, for you Lord
You hold my world, in the palm of Your Hands
And I am Yours, forever

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
You're the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am

I'll walk with You
Wherever You'll go, through tears and joy
I'll trust in You
And I will live in all of Your ways
Your promises, forever

A nice song with a very loaded lyrics. Verse 1 still sounds ok... very general but when it comes to verse 2, the composer seems to have DEFINED and Narrowed what commitment is.

I'll walk with You, WHEREVER YOU GO? ---> I ask myself.. really???
Through tears and Joy, i'll trust in You ----> really???
I will live in ALL of Your ways ------> really????

I am sounding cynical and that's because I know what it is to walk away from all these promises I make to God. It's so easy to turn away because we human beings are still very self-centred people. Even our prayers can be self centered. While I was away to the market this morning, I thought about prayer. What kind of prayer God listens to and can I trouble him with trivial prayers?

When I got home, did my devotion and it says that we can tell God everything. Corrie ten Boom was relating a story while in concentration camp that she had a cold and she had no hankerchief. She told her sister Betsie about it and Betsie told her to pray. After her prayer, her name was called out and someone passed her a parcel with a hankerchief inside the parcel. WOW.
God knows all our needs --- NEEDS. So when it is a need, God will answer.

As I meditated on the praying about everything even the petty things of my life, I asked the Lord, how should I pray. I sensed the Holy Spirit saying that I present my request to God. Tell God my needs but don't dictate how He should provide or how the answer should come. In our self centeredness sometimes we unknowingly dictate the results we want God to perform and lose the perspective of surrendering to God and let Him have the say on the outcome.

Lord, may i truly be surrendered.

Charting Charis

2007-06-06T09:41:00.000+08:00

2 days old

6 weeks old

Charis is now 7 weeks old. So far, things been looking fine and improving. While night duty i.e. feeding is still part of motherhood, thank God that I am adjusting to this new schedule as compared to when it first began. Now that we are understanding each other better, things are getting a lot manageable. I guess it just progresses as both of us grow in our role. Her adjusting better to life outside the womb and me adjusting better to her needs, whims or fancies.

Names we call her, " cutie pie ", "my darling girl" - dad uses it more than mum, "naughty girl", "sweetie"

30 is an odd number

2007-05-26T17:11:00.000+08:00

Today marks the day of 30 years on earth. How time flies and to me, it seems that life is only beginning. Having a new born at this point of my life marks another milestone. I remembered telling someone I want to have a child by the age of 29 and I did, one month before my birthday. :)

All in God's good grace and love.

May the next 30 years be the years I will continue to be found in Christ alone.

a gentle reminder

2007-05-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

As I was thinking about calling and my passion for missions and seeking God during this time of leave. I sense that God was telling me to be patient. When the time comes the door will be wide open, before that no use banging through a closed door. God will open it wide at his opportune time.

I believe Lord and by faith you'll take me there.

How this girl sleeps

2007-05-03T12:32:00.000+08:00

Look at her knees...
she will wiggle and posture her knees in such a way...
Sleeping face down has kept her sleeping for long periods...

another pic taken by the daddy, look at how she crosses her legs..

Parenting

2007-05-03T12:19:00.000+08:00

It's been the 11th day since I became a mother. Coping and adjusting with being one has been tough, mostly unpredictable as I tried to meet her real needs. When she cries after a feeding and a diaper change, we had to rock her to sleep. The moment we put her down into the cot, she'll wake up and cry. Hence, week 1 was tough. I wasn't sure if I was giving her enough breast milk as the milk was slow in coming so I had to supplement her intake with formula milk contrary popular beliefs that if I were to do so, she'll get confused. I told myself, I need to persevere and if breast milk is still insufficient by this week, I will give her formula. Thank God that the last 3 days, she is off formula and feeds entirely on breast milk. She is the least confused at this point despite the supplement and suckles well especially when she is hungry.

Now that I am better physically, I've started to train her to sleep on her own without anyone rocking her to sleep. The previous week, we had sleepless nights because we adopted the 'rocking' method. For the last 3 days, I only woke up for about 1 1/2 hours including feeding and getting her to bed after that. It's not so random and erractic anymore. The training is tough in the beginning but I believe it will pay off. Sometimes, it seems 'cruel' for me to just let her cry in the cot. As far as possible, I'll ensure that we've done our best to make her comfortable and than the training begins. Probably may be too much for a 11th day old child but I believe we need to start early. This is a long journey and we need to pace ourselves.

She is definitely very cute and adorable. Hopefully, she doesn't get away with many things with her looks. :)

Parenting continues

Charis Tay Rui Min

2007-04-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

This photo was taken 20 minutes after her birth on the 22 April 2007. Her birth time was 1.05 am and her weight was 3.05 kg. Length 50cm, head circumference 35cm.

Giving birth was certainly an experience. On 21 April, I checked myself into the hospital at 9.30am as I was having some contractions. It was due anyway and I think I had better go in. However, the long wait took place. I was able to endure the contractions until when it came on stronger at about 5pm in the late afternoon. I asked for the anaesthetist to give me the epidural. I endured the pain for almost an hour... alas, I have the experience of what labour is like. The wait continued until 12mn that day.

My gynae and the nurses came in and check me almost every half and hour. As things did not seem good, the check was almost every 5 minutes. While there was strong contractions, my baby's position was not engaged (positioned for natural birth) and my cervix was only 5cm dilated, very little compared to the hours of wait that took place. My gynae ordered that we call it a day and have a c-section to find out what's the problem. I was wheeled into the operating theatre. I had never been into an OT and hence was not prepared for it.

As I laid in the theatre, I could only pray and commit the whole thing to God. The anaesthetist gave me his name and told me what he will do. I was tubed all over and the next thing was I was drowsy. I didn't feel anything at all and in the midst of the drowsiness, I heard the first cry of Charis. They brought the baby close to me but I was too drowsy to see anything. The next thing I knew was I was shivering very badly due to the effects of the anaesthetic/epidural combined. They had to take my blood pressure to make sure that I was ok and I remembered that someone was trying to steady my hands so that the BP reading could be done.

After being wheeled into the normal ward, the shaking continued. It was uncontrollable even as I tried to steady myself. What an experience... The baby came at about 3am and I managed feed her despite my bodily weakness. I have to keep myself awake most of the time as the effects of the pain killer was still lingering.

The next morning, my gynae came and checked on me and told me that he was working on 3 problems at the same time when he opened me. I had layers of blood clots in my uterus, a medical condition affecting many woman called Endometrosis (i didn't know how severe it can affect a woman until now), my baby's umbilical cord was wound round her neck twice, that explains why she wasn't able to get into position and my placenta was bleeding and the source of it was unknown.

All in all I just want to thank God for his GRACE and for seeing me through this ordeal. Giving birth is one thing, parenthood is another. Will blog about the beginnings of parenthood tomorrow.

:)

Beauty with brains?

2007-04-19T10:52:00.000+08:00

The Ms Singapore Universe trailers have been running, introducing this year’s candidates competing for the title. Over the years, there’s been a discussion on whether beauty and brains go together. Well the trailers proved one thing for sure. These ladies have ‘beauty’ if ‘beauty’ is defined by statistics. Some of the pictures taken of them made them look like those seen on chatline advertisements. It has almost reached the stage of being distasteful for me and I am totally grossed out. If the promotional guy who wants to market the next Ms Singapore Universe this way, don’t blame me for judging a book by its cover, it is meant to be this way in the first place. Let’s not argue any more for brains in the beauties, there’s none. Of all the segments in the competition, how many percent is taken to test the brain prowess of these beauties? 10%, 20%, 30%?,

Talking about beautiful… none is outstanding by far. Their bikini clad image has masked what beauty is suppose to be. Sluttish and sexy, maybe but beautiful… no way. It's no wonder we never went near to the crown of Ms Universe. We have a weird definiton for 'beauty'

the impatience of waiting

2007-04-18T05:36:00.000+08:00

it's 18 April. 2 more days to Charis' arrival. How I wish she's out soon so I'll get to see her. She is about 3.4kg and has put on 300 grams since the last she was measured a week ago. Her head diameter is 10cm, gynae says she is maxed out but seems like there's still space for her to move around.

I'll wait though I am getting impatient.

Missions Rededicated

2007-04-16T11:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, Pastor Ross Paterson came and spoke to us at church. It was a time for me I felt to rededicate to God my life to mission. I have always sensed that call but the question is "WHEN". I had wanted to respond first to the altar ministry but I went up to pray for Veron. I just sensed God leading me there. The moment I prayed for her, words just flowed and I knew God was speaking to her heart as much as God was speaking to me. She felt the tangible presence of God, the heat and all that and I thank God for allowing me to experience his presence in such a real way.

When it came to my turn to be prayed for, it was a reassurance and voice from God. One particular thing that spoke to me was she prayed, "When the time comes, you will know and it will be very clear to you." I instantly could identify with what that meant. In my life, I have been very CLEAR in 2 areas. 1. To resign from my job and enter bible school at age 23, 2. To leave my former church which I had attended for 10 years almost 4 years ago. I knew the next time when God calls me to mission, long term, it will be clear.

The speaker's wife also prayed for my child that God will be with me in the whole delivery process and also she will be born with a sense of God's purpose and call. Just as Samuel in the bible was born with that call of God. Never thought of that and never made that as a prayer myself but yesterday, I also dedicated her to the Lord and may I truly be one who will lead her to know her call.

Final Lap

2007-04-13T09:23:00.000+08:00

My final days of work and my final days of pregnancy. While the due date states 20 April, it can happen anytime from now.

We've finally finished fixing up the cot. Why I say finally. When we first got the cot, there were parts that were missing and these parts were important for putting the cot together. By virtue of 'chance' we managed to recover some of the parts on the vehicle that transported the cot yet it was insufficient. So yes, the cot is up and ready to welcome the new family member into our midst.

For me, I am counting down to the days when I eventually give birth so that I can feel lighter. I feel that my legs have been trained with this weight upon me and I believe after my childbirth I can walk faster. Many has commented that parenthood will bring lots of changes to my life, I don't know how but I know it won't be drastic and I will take it in good stride. To be honest, I am more satisfied than euphoric over this new life that God has given. Because spurts of excitement does not last long.

We've decided to name her Charis = Grace/Favour and her chinese name will be Rui Min meaning wise + compassionate. We want her to have the knowledge and the heart for things. Knowing keeps one informed, compassion gets one into action. We pray that God's grace will be upon us to be godly parents.

It's interesting to note that the fears of whether I'll be a good mother has ceased to plague me. Right now, I am looking forward to seeing her (I had a glimpse last night because I dreamed of her) hahaha! For the last few weeks, I have also stopped drinking my favourite beverage i.e. COFFEE. This morning, I tried to down half a cup, I only took 2 sips and threw it away. It's very strange how far I've come. From one who can't live without coffee to one who finds it yucky, I wonder will I recover from this ever.

Romans 8:32

2007-04-03T11:50:00.000+08:00

English Standard Version

Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

God parted with Jesus, his very own, his best gift, will also graciously give us all things both physical and material.

As human beings we often look upon one who has been 'blessed' with much. If God has given me this, answered my prayer on this matter, I am blessed. It is true that I am blessed but how about those prayers that God has yet to answer me the way I want it to be answered, am I not blessed because he has not answered or am I waiting to be blessed? Have I used the word 'bless' too loosely that I've fail to see other aspects of answered prayer.

Whatever happens to us, happens for a reason i.e. good or bad. Recently my church mission team to Surathani had their boat capsized, they were all saved and we thanked God for the capsize and for their lives saved, even the youngest one amongst them who had no life vest and did not know how to swim was miraculously rescued by God. What if one of the team members didn't make it alive, will we still thank God for the capsized and for the remaining ones who came back alive?

I think long and hard on this matter and realized that no matter what we go through with God or have experience with Him, we will always see blessings on this side of the earth as something that has benefitted us or was to our advantage. We define blessings in our own terms and inteprete it according to common human experiences.

I thank God that I am blessed by Him whether I have a child or not
I thank God that I am blessed by Him whether it was an easy or difficult pregnancy
I thank God that I am blessed by Him whether the journey of parenting would take a strain on me or not
I thank God that I am blessed by Him whether my kid will be healthy or not
I thank God for giving me His Son, the Most precious One for my sins to be forgiven and for my soul to be eternally saved.

Prayer of Humble Access

2007-03-29T10:55:00.000+08:00

After I became a Christian, I was in an Anglican Church for 10 years of my life. Bi-monthly we will have our holy communion, a act for us to remember the Lord's death as we eat the "bread" and drink the "cup". The Pastor presiding the Holy Communion will read from the book of common prayer and the congregation will respond at some points. I will always remember the "Prayer of Humble Access", a prayer all of us pray before we eat the "bread" and drink from the "cup"

It goes like this:

"We do not presume to come to this your table merciful Lord, trusting in our own righteousness, but in your manifold and great mercies we are not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under your table. But You are the same Lord, whose nature is always to have mercy. Grant us therefore gracious Lord, so to eat the flesh of your dear Son Jesus Christ and to drink his blood, that we may evermore dwell in Him and He in us. Amen"

Over the years, I've memorized this prayer so that I do not just recite it but to pray it with all my heart to remind myself of my unworthiness before the Lord each time I come to His table and to be comforted that He is gracious and His nature is always to have mercy.

Some people do not agree with the sentence "...not worthy so much as to gather up the crumbs under your table." citing that we are in the new covenant and not aliens anymore. I beg to differ because this prayer is a mere expression of unworthiness before the Lord and has no effect on our position in Christ.

Whenever I think of this prayer and pray this prayer, I am reminded of my own unworthiness and have nothing to brag about except about God who has loved and rescued me.

A trivial prayer answered

2007-03-26T09:56:00.000+08:00

My long day yesterday.

6.30am - 7.00am woke up
7.00am - 7.30am traveled to Sengkang to feed my beloved dog (parents away)
7.30am - 8.15am breakfast
8.45am - GCE in church
10.30am - 11.40am JSS
11.40am - 12.30pm Service
12.30pm - 2.30pm Fellowship, Lunch
2.30pm - 6.15pm AGM
6.15 - 7.50pm Dinner at "Chomp Chomp"

By 6.15pm, I was already very exhausted. The dinner managed to perk me up slightly. However, when we got home, I was really praying for a parking lot right below my flat. It is always full because lots are scarce. So I just prayed, with a "if is God willing" sort of faith... one car was ahead of us and he zoom quite quickly ahead. No lots. We drove and lo and behold, i saw the headlights of a Mercedes Benz light up after we passed it. I told Adrian to reverse and indeed the merc was leaving and we got the lot.

It sounds trivial but it was one of those lessons that I was learning about "Praying" again. Ask, Seek and Knock. It's not enough to just ask, we need to seek for the answers, it's not enough to just seek, we need to knock when we believe we have been led to the answer. So last night's episode brought home the reality of the truth that I had been meditating. Pray but open your eyes to seek. When you have found the answer, lay hold of it.

Thank you God.

Exactly 1 month

2007-03-20T11:25:00.000+08:00

I am exactly 1 month away from my due date. Ask me, am I excited? I'll probably give you a very melancholic look. Maybe it's because I am seldom excitable. For me, the journey ahead has not yet begun and I face it with a degree of apprehension. Thoughts like, "Will i be a good mother", "Will my daughter turn out well" can sometimes overwhelm me. I have to intentionally l surrender and not be overly anxious. It's a new thing. It's a new challenge. This challenge is something I have never encountered and each step along the way, I'll learn to seek God and his guidance. I can read many books but ultimately it's the wisdom that God gives that will enable me to be a good parent.

There are so many people who has experience on parenting yet each experience is unique to the individual. While there's general truth about some experiences, the variable factor is that each child is unique. It's like when some people look at my tummy and overall countenance, they will say, "You are having a boy" sharp, pointed tummy, etc... etc... But the ultra sound scan shows a girl... ! :)

Oh, by the way we have decided to call her Charis which means Grace/Favour in greek and Rui Min which means Intelligent and Compassionate in mandarin. After many rounds of discussion, both of us finally reached a common agreement and I believe this is IT. Thank God.

We have also engaged a helper to help us look after Charis, Rui Min after I return to work. This may sound controversial to some ears but I believe it's the best for us if not ideal. Arnik is from Indonesia, 25 years old and has 1 1/2 years of working experience with another christian home. She was highly recommended by her employers. We met up with her and spoke to her. She's able to speak english and seemed a pleasant person at first look. Her employer had to be posted overseas and so had to give her up. It was really a raw deal and the good thing is, non of us got exploited by the agent. I was quite uncomfortable with getting a new maid without any experience, the exorbitant fee of 2.3K to engage a new one was also a deterrant. While the agency promised 2 replacement, I am still uncomfortable with having to keep changing and the 2.3K commitment will require us to stick to 8 months of employing a helper in the event that things really turn sour. With Arnik, she has no loan to repay anymore and will continue another 2 years with us. That's quite sufficient for a start.

Of course with this arrangement, I have to handle 'raised eyebrows' when I tell them but I think I just have to live with it. The good thing is my buddies are giving me the moral support. I know they have their reservations as well and their advise are the spillovers of good intentions, yet at this point of time, their support is most valuable and cherished. Thank you buddies, you know who you are.

I pray for a smooth delivery on my due date and speedy recovery from the childbirth.

love God?

2007-03-06T23:02:00.000+08:00

someone said, we don't really love God until we learn to trust in Him fully, totally and absolutely...

on leaders

2007-03-05T09:09:00.000+08:00

As I was thinking of how to pray for leaders in the church. I was reminded by the Holy Spirit that just because we are serving Him in the church, it doesn't mean we are or can be immune from sin or temptations. Just look at the countless numbers of leaders, preachers, pastors present in history and now, some have fell and were not immortals. This thought came as a reminder to myself to that in every aspects of my life, I need to walk with the Lord, love Him and live for Him.

Yesterday's sermon topic in church was on the "Fear of the Lord" and as I read it, it defined for me what "Fear of the Lord is..." Prov 8:13
- it is to hate evil, pride, arrogance, the evil way and the perverted mouth... -

As leaders we need to fear God and to walk away from evil. It's not good enough just to know what we must do... I must constantly let God check my heart so that I will not allow pride and arrogance to grow like weeds... it's so easy to be filled with pride and not know it because sometimes I think too well of myself more than I ought to be. When the things I do always seemed right and what others are doing usually seemed not so right... if this is the prevalent thought in me, I must ask God to reform me.

The core problem of pride is when I choose to live for myself i.e. when I do not put God's will and God's agenda first. Sometimes it can get all confusing (when is it God's will or when am I living for myself) but as I pray, God will be able to point that out to me distinctively. When I come before God undone and unarmed in every way, I let Him in and let Him have his way. So what if I am a leader, I can still make mistakes because I am still mortal wrapped in flesh and capable of dishonouring God.

Hence, I am reminded that as long as I am a leader, my role is to guide, more than to lord over. The picture of the Shepherd comes in.

Restoration

2007-02-25T05:33:00.000+08:00

http://www.newlifechurch.org/

check out the column that says "Senior Pastoral Transition"

In summary, Ted Haggard and his family will be relocating from Colorado to another place but will continued to be counselled. NLC has kindly decided to continue to see them through the process of their restoration. As I read the letter, I see the grace in the midst of discipline. I asked myself, what's restoration? We've always think, restoration must be back to ministry. For a big man like Ted Haggard, he ought to return to ministry. But the overseers of the church decided that restoration of the whole man is the priority and will take years. I think this is grace, the grace of God at work through human agents who love God and his church. Honestly, I am very touched by what the overseers have done and have learnt the real meaningful purpose of restoring a man of God. It is first and foremost a restoration in his relationship with God.

I quote part of a letter "There should be no confusion that deliverance from habitual, life-controlling problems is a
“journey” and not an “event.” Ted will need years of accountability to demonstrate his victory over both actions and tendencies."

I fully agree. More than an event, it is always a journey. We don't just get zap and get transform in an instant. It'll be unrealistic to expect that to happen. We may get a surge of strength to start but the daily walk is crucial for permanent change to take place.

Lord help me, help Pastor Ted and his family, help New LIfe Church be strong.

Check out New Life Church's new worship album, an album after what the church has gone through. 4 full songs to listen to.

http://www.myspace.com/newlifeworshipexperience

put to the test

2007-02-23T18:22:00.000+08:00

It's very interesting that yesterday I blogged about Christ being evidenced in my life, my relationships with others and blah blah blah.

During the LNY period, I had many family gatherings. On the 3rd day of LNY, I went back to my mum's home for dinner. My aunt (mum's younger sis) was there too. Just when I stepped into the house they were starting their dinner at about 6pm. She asked me to join them repeatedly, by the third 'call' I replied her in a rude tone and told her I'll eat later as I was not hungry. Yesterday my mum told me I should apologize for my tone, I explained that she was too naggy and gave her my reasons for retorting in that manner. After a day and a night of thinking, I think I should apologize. My husband also think I should. Well.. when more than one person think you should apologize, you better. I called her today to apologize for my tone of voice and to my surprise she didn't sound as annoyed as my mum had told me she was.

Well, put to the test. I'm glad I apologized. Walk the talk as the saying goes. It's not too bad afterall.

Revival

2007-02-22T14:52:00.000+08:00

Heard a sermon yesterday by Rev. Edmund Chan. He defines Revival as "responding to God's transforming presence" Revival is an act of God, Revival is God revealing His transforming presence to us. Our respond to God's transforming presence is crucial for a spiritual reformation. The result of our response to God's transforming presence will producemany things. Yet it is not the signs alone that tells us revival has taken place. It is the change of heart, the switch of allegiance that causes that the impact of that revival to last in our hearts.

Many a times what causes the frequent instability and inconsistencies in our walk with God? A heart not totally yielded and surrendered to God for transformation. We fear that our surrender to God will rob us of our pleasures... yet the greatest truth is when we surrender, we will experience the greatest joy. It's because of our lack of trust in a great God that causes us not daring to put both feet forward. If we have not yet experience the Joy of God, we have not surrendered. We run after substitutes day in day out to find that satisfaction but we will never be satisfied.

How i wish, we can just be transformed by just running to altar calls? Life will be easier for the disciple and the discipler. Sorry to say, it's not the case. Rules does not transform life, religion does not transform life, receiving His love will if we recipocrate appropriately.

We can herald the right doctrines about the Holy Spirit but if we have not yielded our lives entirely to Him, the teachings, the doctrines can't change us. Teaching that tongues is the initial evidence will bear little significance at all if Christ is not evidenced in our lives, our behaviour, our thoughts, our decisions, our relationships with others...

Pride version 1

2007-02-16T09:56:00.000+08:00

what does pride look like, sound like?

1. I'm better than you - "Why are you not doing this, doing that to be better so that you can be like me?"

2. I can spot the speck in the eyes of others from miles but fail to see the log in my own eyes - "another person's flaws always seemed more serious, more detrimental, more sinful than mine"

3. I am doing ministry right and you are doing it wrong - "how come you are not doing this/doing that?"

Pride creeps into our lives so subtly that we never realize until we look deep inside our hearts. Many gathered around the woman who was caught in adultery, dragged to the streets and demanded a verdict from Jesus. They look so right, so honorable in front of the woman in shame. Yet Jesus spoke one sentence and all left one by one. "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." To Jesus, Sin is Sin. No lesser sin, no greater sin. Adultery is sin, lying is sin, looking at a woman/man lustfully is sin...

We will always look so right when we compare ourselves with someone whose sin is more glaring, more exposed. But in the eyes of Jesus, sin is sin regardless.

Those who think they were MOST RELIGIOUS in Jesus' time was the MOST REJECTED. Don't let religion blind us, making us think of ourselves more pious than we ought to be.

Pride kills.

About Time

2007-02-14T15:02:00.000+08:00

God is always on time, never late!

The end to divine provision issss....

2007-02-07T08:36:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday's sermon was simple and edifying. I've always enjoyed listening to missionaries because I consider them those who are on the front line of sharing the good news. To me, they are the true theologians who put their theology into practice. Unlike armchair theologians who write pages and pages of thesis without taking one step out of their 'comfort zone'.

Those of us who do not 'go' usually have so much considerations back home. We 'count the cost' and decide that staying at home is the best for us. How much of our 'cost counting' involves God? Cost counting tells us the realities, the facts but God has never worked around our realities. He gives us a great alternative, partner with Him and walk in faith.

Christian Consumerism has crept into the Church i.e. "What can God do for me, What has God done for me and What will God do for me?" I cringe at times when I hear testimonies of "What God has done for me this and that". Not that it is no good BUT it is not an end by itself. God's providence upon our lives leads us to something "better and greater".

As I ponder over my devotion this morning from John 4:46 - 54, I was suddenly made to realize that God did more than just heal the official's son. Upon witnessing the healing of his son, the official and his whole household believed. This is the greater miracle. The gift of salvation and eternal life. The healing of the physical body was still temporal and in the words of Calvin Miller, "When anyone is born again, a genuine miracle occurs."; "For those who are healed of terminal afflictions must face death again, but those who know this miracle will never die."

I pray that my life with God is not just one that can boast about "what He has done for me in the physical" but through the physical miracle of abundant life in Christ, others will know God and believe in Him.

when am i a pharisee... ?

2007-02-02T09:17:00.000+08:00

Saw this interesting story this morning online and decided to put it up as a reminder to myself.

"The ability to see sin in others and ignore it in your own heart is one of the distinguishing characteristics of a Pharisee, and being a Pharisee is so easy. It's great to make rules to guide our own behavior, but when we extend those rules to everyone around us, we're in danger of becoming pharisaical."

the problem with rules: it only dictates behaviour, it does not transform life.

Corrie's Quote

2007-01-25T12:31:00.000+08:00

Came across 2 interesting quotes by Corrie Ten Boom.

"Perhaps only when human effort had done its best and failed, would God's power alone be free to work." (CTB)

Was looking for a front cover message for the church newsletter to match my preaching text. Another interesting quote on discernment, the topic which i was reflecting on last week.

“Discernment is God's call to intercession, never to faultfinding.” (CTB)

How apt!

Politics?

2007-01-23T21:39:00.000+08:00

Politics are everywhere, just the intensity.

on GST hike

2007-01-22T08:11:00.000+08:00

Well, it is easy to justify the hike by saying that the govt. will be used for investments to secure our future. Perhaps, some statistics should be opened and transparent to us so that we can be convinced of the hike and not be coerced into the hike.

1. How much income was collected via GST in 2006
2. What was the percentage invested and what is the yield or potential yield
3. What was the percentage set aside for other 'investments' or 'expenditure'

How will the govt share the profit of the nation with her citizen??????????????????????

Sentimental, Sentimentalism, Sensational

2007-01-22T08:04:00.000+08:00

What's the difference between

+ Being sentimental, sentimentalism and sensational? ? ?

i refuse to think.

the 'guessing' game

2007-01-20T12:03:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had to guess how someone feels? It's one of those things that I do not delight in and a territory I rarely venture. If something is of significance to me, I would ask to find out instead of trying my hand at guessing. Of course, amidst the multitudes of christian terms, the word "discern" comes close to what guessing is but it is not guessing.

We Christians are so capable of using a christian terms to 'justify' our words and opinions by saying that we 'discern' something. Sometimes, it's hard to distinguish between what is an 'educated guess' vs 'discerning'. It depends on the integrity of the person operating in the gift. Yet, in all of this, it is never foolproof. No matter how good, how spiritual one person is, he/she is still capable of making mistakes if he/she does not check himself/herself regularly.

Why does God give us the ability to discern, word of wisdom and word of knowledge? To build up the church, to edify the body of Christ I suppose. The gift is on some and not on others because the gifts are distributed as the Holy Spirit wills.

Hebrew 5:14 says this "But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil." The operation of discernment is not plucked from the air by just sensing or having a sixth sense. It has got to do with us knowing and applying the word of God in our lives.

+ The word practice means habit in the greek and it is a habit, a power acquired by custom, practice and use.
+ The word 'senses' means faculty of the mind for perceiving, understanding, judging.
+ The word 'discern' means to distinguish, to discern and judging

Hence, the basis of discernment is the result of us, practicing, training our minds with the word of God and by applying it habitually to our lives so that we will be able to perceive, understand, judge what is good and what is evil.

Yet, having the ability to discern does not come to an end. It's how the information is managed that is of equal importance as well. That would require wisdom from God. Hence, the ability to discern can work for us or against us depending on how we treat the information.

May the Lord, grant me wisdom as well as I train myself to discern what is good and what is evil.

3 months

2007-01-20T12:00:00.000+08:00

today will be exactly 3 months to the estimated due date of my kiddo!
3 months before motherhood becomes a reality
3 months before a new life is set before me
3 months before I truly understand labor pain
3 months before I stay in the hospital for the very first time in my life
3 months...

Prayer: 17-01-07

2007-01-17T08:39:00.000+08:00

Lord speak
Not what I want to hear
But what You want to say
Lord I will, Lord I yield
Help me distinguish and discern
To know the difference between yours and mine
So that You may be glorified
and I may be satisfied.

A Call to Spiritual Reformation - Chp 5, pg 82 - 83

2007-01-16T10:52:00.000+08:00

I am currently reading a book by D.A. Carson, title is on the subject heading. Usually his books are quite technical but not so for this particular title. It's a book on prayer and it studies into all the prayers of Paul and how he prayed for the churches he planted, pastored and how he long to meet up with them, to encourage them, to spur them in faith and all that.

So often I am intrigued by Paul's writings and I believed God has used him to pen most of the NT books. I believe, right practise stems from sound and biblical teaching. This book has evaluted my prayer practices and spur me to pray even more faithfully.

Let me quote D.A Carson of which I am very convicted of:

"2. Paul's prayer arises out of passionate affection that seeks that good of others- not their priase, gratitude, acceptance, and still less some sense of professional self-fulfillment.
.... As someone who has taught seminary students for more than fifteen years, I worry about the rising number of seminarians who, when asked where and how they think they might best serve, respond with something like this, "Well, I think I would like to teach somewhere. Every time I have taught, people have told me I have done a pretty good job. I get a tremondous sense of fulfillment out of teaching the Bible. I think I could be satisfied teaching Scripture." How pathetic. I know pagans who find satisfaction and fulfillment by teaching nuclear physics (ruth lol). In any Christian view of life, self-fulfillment must never be permitted to become the controlling issue. The issue is service (ruth nods profusely in agreement), the service of real people. The question is, How Can I be most useful?, not, How can I feel most useful? The goal is, How can I best glorify God by serving his people?, not How can I feel most comfortable and appreciated while engaging in some acceptable form of Christian ministry? The assumption is, How shall the Christian service to which God calls me be enhanced by my daily death, by my principled commitment to take up my cross daily and die?, not How shall the form of service I am considering enhance my career? This is not to deny that Christians may derive joy from work honestly offered to God,, whether that work is vocational ministry or research into the properties of quarks. But it is one thing to find joy in the work to which we have been called, and another to make joy the goal of life, the fundamental criterion that controls our choices. It is one thing to weigh a Christian leader's evaluation of our gifts, and another so to focus on our perception of our gifts that self-worship has crept in through the back door. It is one thing to think of people as a live audience that will appreciate our displays of homiletical prowess, and another that passionately shapes each sermon to convey the truth to God's people for their good."

This short excerpt really got me reflecting. Sometimes, I think to myself, if there's one area of service I could 'live' without, what would it be? The answer will always be to lead worship. Upon reading what Carson had written about service, I was humbled. Service is not about me, whether I can live without it or not. It is whether the people of God is served and whether I am called to serve in that area of ministry or not.

the stronger 'half'

2007-01-15T14:10:00.000+08:00

Over at lunch yesterday, there was a comment about the stronger gf/wives. I readily admitted that I am the stronger 'half' at home. I used to think that being strong is not a good thing. As a girl, I should be quiet, demure in every aspect of my mannerism. I've known of strong women being labeled 'aggressive', 'demanding', 'domineering' and 'jezebellic' and honestly, I detest such labels as they are as sweeping as the labels sounds.

I am strong in my opinions, value systems, beliefs and I express them when I am 'triggered'. Hence I am not the nice, subservient person/woman/wife as commonly thought of, desired of. I'm not the "yes" person who agrees for the sake of harmony or preserving harmony although there are times when a matter does not call for my views and it is not so important then I will readily comply. However, when a matter is really of significance and importance to me, I will not hesitate to express myself even if it means rocking the boat that I am on as well.

The stronger side of me shouts the loudest and makes me who I am as perceived by others. That's ok, I accept myself for who I am and I am not asking anybody reading this to accept me for who I am. It's ok not to, I won't lose sleep over it.

I think for me, it's important to know when to step back and when to submit. Being someone who had opinions is not a sin, it's a sin when I become difficult, unreasonable and oppose for the sake of opposing. Opinionated to a point that I refuse to consider the viewpoints of others and evaluate my own conclusions. As a wife, I need to listen to what my husband has to say about certain matters. Sometimes even in the household, we have to agree to disagree and he'll make the final decision for the family. It's ok with me as I believe this is the 'order' for the home, if the principle of submission IS NOT observed, there'll certainly be disorder.

To be strong to have opinions about matters is not wrong. just know when to step back and submit.

The New Year

2007-01-06T11:24:00.000+08:00

2007 will be a year of challenge for me personally. Having a child due in April (20 April is the estimated day of arrival). Parenthood is slowly settling in and we are still considering all the options of who is to help us look after the child. God has assured us time and again that He will lead and He will provide.

In my private journal about 2 mths ago. As I thought about the challenges ahead, God spoke to me about "ASK" - Luke 11:9 - 13. I'm not one who like to conjure up things for myself so that I can feel good about it but that day, I journaled down my thoughts about the passage and what I sense God was saying to me.

This morning, as I ponder about the future. I came across the same passage once again. God says, ASK. This time the passage was from Matthew 7:7 - 12. The pastor and preacher, John Piper gave a thorough exposition and explanation of the passage and I sense the Spirit of God, once again, directing my focus on Him. Just as I am considering and praying about the options we have, God says, To ASK and To TRUST.

The journey of trusting God is always a fresh experience. I have personally experienced God's providence many times yet each experience is different and special. Having gone through some challenging ones, this experience is not much easier, no amount of what I had gone through in the past could be carried forward. Thank God for His word once again at the point of me searching and pondering.

It's not that I do not want to plan ahead, in fact planning way ahead is very much my preferred way of doing things. Yet at this point of time, I can't until God shows me. I believe He will show us and lead us. All He asks us to do, is to ASK HIM and TRUST HIM.

One new year resolution I've made this year is to devote my time in diligent prayer. I've already begun doing so and praying especially for the things/people that I often take for granted. ASKING God to do His work has accomplished more spiritually and physically as compared to what I can do in my own strength. I can't elaborate much on what has been happened as it concerns confidentiality but I am beginning to see some positive things taking place.

Beyond my ability to comprehend some intricate matters about Prayer and God's sovereignty, God is asking me to pray and ask not just for myself but for others too so that His purpose will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Lord, have your way.

(http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2006/1925_Ask_Your_Father_in_Heaven/)
The link to the sermon on Matthew 7:7 - 12 if you are interested.

random

2007-01-04T11:35:00.000+08:00

Ok, random and perhaps illogical posting for the day.

My strength is also my weakness. I am determined, strong-headed and stubborn like a bull. Determine is a strength because I tend to peservere under trying cirumstances and I'm not a quitter by nature. Strong Headed and stubborn are my weaknesses because I can be inflexible and at times tread insensitively breaking everything in the 'china shop'. It calls for balance and sometimes its tough. I've learnt, not to operate by my instinct. My instinct is to charge and the only way for balance is to rein in first before something gets broken by my instinctive reaction. I've been thinking, reflecting over the last few days about this area of strength as well as weakness of my life and I ask for that sancification in my life to continue. To make the strength more edifying and to make the weakness submitted to Christ. Not easy but necessary process of being consumed by the Holy Spirit.

I have another strength/weakness. It depends on how one sees it and how it is being applied. I can accept simple answers but not easy answers. The difference is one is simply how things are, the other is just something to appease. I don't know how to explain this well but I'll try. I'll ask questions like, why in some instances, Jesus said "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you'll be able to uproot trees and move it into the sea?" yet when we apply it to our lives, that tree seem stuck on the ground? Is there something wrong with my faith or something wrong with God or with the tree?, Jesus also said, "Ask and you will receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open." yet sometimes it seems our asking were turned on deaf ears.

I asked these questions because I believe it is relevant for my walk with Jesus. I don't pretend to say that I can understand or have fully grasped all the teachings in the bible. There are times i face the conflict between reality and faith.

As I sat through my morning devotions this morning, just thinking and reflecting. Many a times its how we understand time. Sometimes, when we pray, we expect answers to prayer almost immediately or at the next event that we have. I sensed this morning, the whisper of the Holy Spirit told me this. "I am in eternity, hence not ruled by time. You ask and you will receive, you seek and you will find, you knock and the door will be open. This is what you must do. As to how it will be answered, when it will be answered, through what situation it will be answered, it's determined by ME. All you have to do is to expect it to be answered."

Hence, it's not that God is not answering when we pray in faith, He may not answer now but it will be answered. The conflict is easily resolved and simply accepted. Yet the question must be asked for the answer to be given.

Faith expressed through obedience is to learn to wait patiently for God to make it happen. The apparent 'delay' is not a NO from Him but a pause for us to learn to keep trusting, to keep praying, to keep obeying.

Thank you Lord. . .

Gone Home

2006-12-31T19:20:00.000+08:00

Sis Luan Keow has gone home to be with the Lord this morning.
It's definitely a loss to all her closed ones.
Yet, it's not a loss to God. She is definitely in a better place.
Thank God that she has lived and she has lived for His glory.

In mourning for her.

the greatest word ever invented

2006-12-30T11:08:00.000+08:00

WHY?

It's the greatest word ever invented. I admit, I ask lots of questions. Sometimes I get the answers and sometimes I don't. When I was younger, I had wanted to be a detective and a lawyer but somehow along the way, I drifted from my ambitions. Yet a larger part of me is still inquisitive. I ask because I want to know and find out.

I don't take "Yes" and "No" as answers on a superficial level especially when the issue is something very important and noteworthy. I question the motives, the reasons behind the answers, behind the actions and the plans. At times I can be quite irritating I must say. My preference for details have further added to my inquisitive disposition. It is normal for me to see things from every angle and I especially delight in seeing cross sections, dissections, bird's eye view and what not. Of course, I do not tire myself by going into every details of life but only some things that really matter to me.

I ask questions but I don't just wait for answers to drop from the sky. I will be determine to find out for myself. Sometimes it's frustrating when I get no answers but that's when I learn to rest in God. I learn to put myself at His feet, relying on His sovereignty and believing that He alone knows what is best. Face it, sometimes, there are just no answers to questions in life.

For me, to ask questions about God and things that relates to ministry, to his word, to the practices of Christianity is vital. I need to know why I am doing what I am doing. The questions are not questions of doubts but questions of clarification. I need to clarify because I need to be clear why I need to do what I need to do. It's about not following blindly, it's about making sense and purpose in the things I am doing in ministry. The values behind the word. The spirit behind the law.

It's also because I took time to take God and Christianity seriously that landed me where I am today. More than the experiences I have with God personally, I've come to learn that His word is true and without error. I've investigated, read, meditated, prayed through to realize that He and His words alone had been the anchor that hold me strong in times of uncertainties, in times of answer-less-ness, in times of trials, in times of growth, in times of disharmonies in relationships. It's by living according to his word during these times I learn that His Words are the surest and most certain way to live.

Thank God that most of the time, His words give me the answers to the questions I ask. I know when it is to REST when silence encounters me as I enter His Presence. He just say, "Just Rest in Me". To hear this is enough for me from my Abba.

Chaff or Wheat: 28 Dec 06

2006-12-29T10:37:00.000+08:00

Meditations from “Conversations with Jesus” by Calvin Miller (Harvest House Publishing)

I have a few literary heroes. One of them is Calvin Miller. One skill I marvel and attempt to learn from him is the way he goes INTO scripture. This morning's reading was from Matthew 3:12.

“And His winnowing fork is in His hand, and He will thoroughly clear the threshing floor; and He will gather His wheat into the barn, but He will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” (NASB)

He gave a simple exposition and compared the chaff from the wheat. As I was reading it and meditating on it, I also noted that the winnowing fork serves the same function towards the chaff and the wheat. It acts to thresh both wheat and chaff at the same time. The one that gets blown away i.e. chaff will be burnt. The one that stays i.e. wheat will be gathered into the barn. It is the weight, the substance of the chaff or wheat that determines whether it goes or stays. The winnowing fork only stirs. The chaff being without any substance gets blown away, the wheat being weightier with life settles right where the Thresher is .

Who decides who gets blown away? Not the Thresher but the object being threshed. This verse follows immediately after John the Baptist spoke on bringing forth fruits that comes with repentance. The act of repentance itself IS NOT the fruit per se. Fruits of repentance is a change in conduct, not the result of prescribed forms by the religious leaders but a change that reflects the repentance which takes place within a person. Change from the inside out will be permanent instead of being temporal. True repentance that bears fruit does not require supervision from man, is not the result of being pressurized, does not do to impress others. It's a natural respond of what has taken place in our hearts and it's what we are willing to do for God so that He gets the glory.

Bartimaeus followed Christ and praised Him wherever he went
Zeccheus restituted what he had cheated of others
The widow's gift of two mites was the greatest gift of all among many who gave much.

To be a chaff or wheat? We decide. Fruits of repentance is the weight in the wheat. The life in the wheat that is not blown away when the threshing comes. Chaff is an empty shell, one that looks promising but does not deliver.

Lord, I wanna bear fruits of repentance. Help me.

to live is Christ, to die is gain

2006-12-28T21:31:00.000+08:00

As I type this post, my colleague and Sis in Christ has a sis in KL who is unable to communicate with her now. Months ago, we met her and we prayed with her for her healing. We prayed earnestly and desired her healing. Back home where she is, there's a group of intercessors surrounding her, keeping her in vigilant prayers. She is suffering from a rare type of cancer and has a tumor growing, pressing on her other organs and threatens to protude out of her. She had been in pain and was on morphine weeks ago.

Why was she not healed despite the earnest prayers of many? I don't know... maybe our faith for her to be healed was selfish, maybe God wants her home, maybe God wants us to persist in prayer until the miracle happens. What must we do?

It's interesting that I came across Deut 29:29 today and it says
"The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law."

I don't have the answers, neither will I attempt to try and answer. According to Deut 29:29, the secret things (things not revealed to us) belong to God but the things revealed to us, we must keep it and observe it.

Paul said this in Philippians 1:21, "to live is Christ and to die is gain"
To live a life on earth is to live in fruitfulness unto God but the better thing is to be with Christ. For many of us, including myself, to die is not a gain. It is a loss. A loss of what this life can still bring to us, a loss of relationships with our loved ones, a loss in opportunity, a loss in many things we have yet to 'experience' that life should.

Until we can say that to die is gain, we'll never understand what it means to live the abundant life God has designed us to do so. Paul lived a life as carved out by God for him, to teach, preach and disciple. To plant not just seeds but to nurture them till maturity. To labour in prayer for the congregations in suffering even while he himself was in chains. He lived his life without leaving any room for regrets.

To die is gain and the better thing. God when it's time, may I learn to say that it is true for me.

is prayer like a magic wand?

2006-12-23T09:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish prayer is like a magic wand. How I wish, with a single wave of it, I will be able to get what I want and what I want now.

There are times when God answers my prayer almost immediately like when I prayed for a parking lot, in the late night while raining and with heavy things to carry up to my house. Knowing the situation was almost impossible, I prayed with my simple faith. Lo and behold, I saw an empty lot and I praised God for that. It was almost a split second - the prayer and the answer.

There are times, like now when I am still praying, believing and hoping for my family to be saved. Humanly speaking, it's a long way although my parents seemed opened about church. I am praying that my brother and sister will return to God as well but it seems that my prayers will take quite some time to be answered.

While faith is the vehicle to answered prayers sometimes I wonder to myself, how much faith is enough faith? Perhaps it's unwavering faith, perhaps it's persistent faith manifested in continuous prayers and asking...

Another element of answered prayer is when we pray according to God's will. God's will is found in His Word but there is another will of God that exists in the here and now and is current. For example, God's will is for us to rebuild the church. How do we know? The leadership prayed and sought the Lord. They've heard and the people have concurred as can be observed from the giving that is taking place. Hence, the church will go through a physical rebuilding. This is the will of God not stated in the bible i.e. the Revival Centre Church is not found in the bible, neither does it say that Revival Centre Church shall be rebuilt in 2007. This is the sort of "will of God" I am referring to. God's will can be revealed to us. For example, God suddenly shows us a friend's name and we pray and that person comes to church, converts and grows in the Lord. But such things do not take place all the time, neither does it mean that each time when God reveals, when we pray, the pattern of conversion will follow. Sometimes we just have to pray and keep on praying.

Recently my church youth group had an evangelistic event. They were all enthusiastic about it which is good. Let me say something about my youth group. They are really a bunch of zealous people, very committed and go all the way out in everything. Their prayers rocks and I believe they are full of faith in everything they do. I think they were believing in God for 500 salvations as a result of this evangelistic event. It was a good belief to begin with and they planned hard for it. They believed God could give them the souls. I asked one of the leaders who was planning and believing in God for the 500. She herself was uncertain about whether 500 people would fill the auditorium or 500 people will be saved?

It's not that I do not have the faith to believe in God's ability to give the souls. He definitely has all the ability. After all, He is in the business of soul-saving. He desires all to be saved and none to perish... Just because someone in revival history asked for 100,000 souls doesn't mean that by asking for 500 souls now, it is God's will for us, here and now. It is still subject to God's timing. Just like it's a matter of time, my parents will be saved, my brother and sister will come back to God. Some people I know pray for more than 10 - 15 years to see salvation happening in their family. While it is not happening now, I believe and will continue to believe that they will be saved.

For me, when I heard that they were believing God for 500 souls, I asked the Lord if it is his will. I didn't have the 'conviction' or the sense of being 'convicted'. I wondered if I had still be in the youth group, would I have been the black sheep of being branded as 'faithless'. It is cool to believe in the impossible, in fact, it's great, yet we got to ask ourselves, is it just something we want to believe or is it an insight, a will, something that requires our obedience and faith. God might have indeed spoken that He will give the 500 souls but could it be over a period of time and not in a single event?

Maybe I am trying to play safe. I would do the work and do it with all my heart and leave the results to God. When Jesus came, He only discipled 12 (and 1 betrayed Him). While there were many heading for hell during the inter-testament period i.e. between Malachi and Matthew, He took 400 years before getting himself born into this world as a man. While more people were going to hell, He took another 30 years to provide for his family and worked as a carpenter. He kept 3 1/2 years solely for ministry amongst the people He came for. He could have just appeared in the heavens or on top of Mount Sinai and spoke to the people, the Jews would all have repented but He took a longer route, a route that somehow made Him less recognisable by His own.

God's ways and God's timing are beyond us. We need to seek Him, discern His will all the time and pray in faith. Not easy, as the natural man wants to see the red sea part, the glory dust descend and what else. Not that great stuff are not good but subject to God's leading and guidance, we will see it take place. Faith is not just about believing in the impossible alone, it is believing that God will deliver the impossible, if we remain faithful in our faith and in our prayers to God.

There were no 500 souls saved that day but there were more than 400 Non-Christians. I believe more will be saved. Let God handle the results, we just do the work.

+we must thank God that there were about 18 youths who responded to Jesus during 21 dec and at the youth service on 23 dec

service without the GLAM

2006-12-14T14:49:00.000+08:00

I remembered posting a short thought that Jesus was born in a manger. One of the reasons cited was because there was no room for Him. Yet I believe the Servant King chose the manger over any 5 star hotel because He wanted access with people. The place where least attention would be drawn to, where the crowd would not be found, where the Shepherds could enter freely.

Jesus intentionally positioned himself where the lowly was. It was on purpose that He chose to be born in a manger. I am sure the angels would have thought of a place more appropriate for their King, in the end, Jesus had the final say: "I will be born in a manger!" Books closed.

He chose accessibility over comfort, over status, over reputation. No wonder John in his gospel used the word "Tabernacled" among men. He made earth His dwelling where earth used to be his footstool. This is service without the glam. He came down to our level.

The unsung heroes of our time are those who served without the attention, without the appreciation, without the pat on the shoulder. Those who are willing to take time and invest them in things deemed as not so important or does seem to yield immediate results. Those who are willing to get their hands dirty, most of the time if not all the time.

Delegation has sometimes become such a dirty word to me. To delegate means you ask people to do the things you have no time to do or rather, you don't want to do? There is a difference. In a Christian organization, everybody should get their hands dirty. Afterall, we have an example to follow. Our servant King.

He did not speak to gain popularity nor did anything to win men's favour. He did what He had to do. He healed on the Sabbath which offended the Pharisees so much, He called them white-washed tombs, He spoke well of the Good Samaritan, He washed the feet of all his disciples, including the one whom he knew would betray him.

Service 101:
1. Will i serve even if i don't get recognized?
2. Will i serve even my enemies?
3. Will i serve even if I need to get my hands dirty?
4. Will i serve even if no one say, "thank you"....

it's a girl!

2006-12-04T13:36:00.000+08:00

Ok. after a long wait. Finally... the gynae is able to confirm that the baby is a girl.
Although the disclaimer clause states 80% - 90% accuracy. :)

Quite happy that every 'structure' is in place. She has 2 eyes, one nose, one mouth.
two hands with five fingers on each hand, a beating heart, 2 kidneys, one stomach
a brain... , one tiny head, feet measuring 3cm each and liver...

(the nurse in the clinic used the word 'structure' so .....) The detailed scan is suppose
to detect any abnormalities so the result so far is normal....

Curious to find out though what she will look like. I am thinking of keeping long hair
for her but daddy says, no, short hair better. So, till then... we shall see.

yup and not forgetting to keep praying for her to be a teachable and moldable kid
and one who will love God always.

The Manger and Jesus

2006-12-02T16:04:00.000+08:00

I was writing the weekly devotions for the kids in the sunday school. This week and following, we will be
focusing on Christmas.

While writing on Jesus being found in the manger in Luke 2, suddenly I sense a nudging to meditate
further what I was reading. No hotels, no red carpets, no standing ovation, no trumpet to welcome his arrival.
All that was available was a lowly manger. A place unfit for the Messiah, Son of God and King of kings.

Secondly, Luke wrote that an angel appeared to a group of shepherds and revealed to them the whereabouts
of Jesus. The shepherds decided to take the look and were exceedingly joyful when they saw him. If there
was any grand announcements, it came from the angels...

As I meditated through, the manger and the shepherds connected well. Shepherds were low-class
labour, manual jobs in those days. They carry a stench of smell and were most unwelcome anywhere.
The manger was the most appropriate for them. The most accessible place for the willing and humbled.

Instead of being found in a posh inn/hotel, the Son of God was found in the most unfit place for
someone His status. Yet He chose, the place most accessible to those He had wanted to reach and to
those He had come for.

It doesn't matter who I am, I pray that I will be found in a place, most unfit for me yet a vessel
making the gospel accessible to those who need and are willing to hear.

Lord lead me to one soul this Christmas. Where you lead, I will go.

I wonder, not in awe but in disgust...

2006-12-02T12:30:00.000+08:00

I wonder why one would give testimonies about sharing the gospel, having compassion for the lost and in another instance showed a very reluctant look when posted to a home for carolling that in one's opinion might not serve 'good food'.

It has been clearly announced that carolling this year is not merely a time of merry making but also a time for soul winning. So, is it about the quality of food? NO! I am appalled by the inconsistencies. Where is the compassion deposited 2 prayer meetings ago?

I wonder and wonder at the callousness.

I wish i wasn't there to see and hear it for myself. . .

random thoughts

2006-11-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I must begin by thanking God for 'repairing' my handphone. Over the the last week, it kept hanging and rebooting by itself. I finally grasp the phone in my hand and prayed that my handphone will function normally again, and from that saturday on, it didn't reboot nor hung up on me. Thank God - otherwise i will have to buy a new phone because of the line contract.

Eversince our PM made announcement about the proposal to increase GST by another 2% which makes it 7%, there has been much talk. There's a good reason why. The reason for increasing direct taxes is of course to improve revenue so that our lives will improve but most importantly, the lower income group will benefit from this exercise. Honestly, I do not understand how our lives will improve. Health care is still a potential liability. Our children's education will not be free - eventhough primary, secondary, jc fees are considered relatively reasonable. (well thank God for education) From a either short or long term perspective I do not understand how will our lives IMPROVE... to add to the 'injury' so to speak, this step forward will benefit the lower income... how? Who falls within the lower income? How are the lower income going to benefit from this? All these remains a mystery as far as the citizens are concern... Preparing us for the 'worse' is good but coating it over with something else to make the worse look better is not exactly very wise.

Next headline: Civil service pay will be increased next year. We shall wait and see... how that works out to be...

Next: SM said that ministers' pay ought to be revised in order to make it more competitive as compared to the private sector counterparts. When is the amount competitive enough? If salary is a draw to politics, then I really suggest these people think twice. If one wants to make a lot of money, don't join politics. I think politics involve more than money. It is about a passion. Our founders didn't build the nation or were attracted to build the nation because they had a lucrative salary. Love for the country and for the people should be the main focus. Our ministers have to be well paid but not overly paid or to peg their salary to some top 6 earners of the nation etc.. etc..

I just wish that sometimes, there's more details...

"boasting" about weaknesses

2006-11-23T15:41:00.001+08:00

I am just thinking, why am I so honest sometimes about my failings? Just before I begun leading worship last week, I told the congregation that sometimes we grumble and complain more than we give thanks to God. As I told the congregation to give thanks to God, He pointed out to me my lack of thanksgiving that Sunday morning. I was completely honest about it and held nothing back as I shared with the congregation that I was grumbling about how slowly my husband was driving from home to church. Instead of thanking God for the car (because my brother is away for one month), I grumbled.

Confession is good for the soul because the next time before I grumble, I will remember that I had repented from it and that I should refrain my flesh from doing so. Paul in 2 Cor 11:30 (NLT), "If I must boast, I would rather boast about the things that show how weak I am."He repeats this phrase again in 2 Cor 12:5 "... I am going to boast only about my weaknesses." In context, He had received revelation worthy of boasting but he chose not to do it even though it would be the truth anyway. His main reason is really found in verse 6 - 7, ".... I don't want anyone to hink more highly of me than what they can actually see in my life and my message, even though I have received wonderful revelations from God."

As a person who is often seen in the 'frontline' type of ministry, it's so easy that service becomes the mask of spirituality. Through our service, it is so easy to think that we are spiritually healthy and so be easily deceived by our own spiritual acts. I was reading somewhere this week that we are called to be "human beings' rather than 'human doings'. "To be" takes priority over "to do". I may not have receive ''great revelations'' as compared to Paul but one motto or goal I want to emulate from him is not wanting people to think about me more highly other than what they can see in my life and in my message. The last thing I want is to create a impression that I am what I am not.

I've always believed in being real, genuine, without hypocrisy, honest (still shaving off the abrasive aspect) and sincere. Therefore, I speak my mind even if it means differing in opinions with someone closest to me, I speak my mind even if it risk my own reputation, I speak my mind even if others might have a change of opinion about me. I can't act and I can't pretend - that's me. I am not sure if my confessions about my weaknesses have been to the extend of boasting about my weaknesses but I certainly pray and hope that my life and how I live it will be a message, for His glory.

Reflections on worship leading - 191106

2006-11-20T17:12:00.000+08:00

I was told not to put an unfamiliar song as the starting song for the song set. The simple reason being, if the congregation (those at the back of the sanctuary), do not know the first song well enough to sing it, they will switch off for the rest of the songs that would follow. Until now, I still quite disagree with it. My simple and plain observation is this, the people at the back do not usually sing, whether familiar or unfamiliar. I have tried putting two hymns back to back on my song set but sometimes they simply do not sing and/or worship. Yes, we as worship leaders should serve the congregation. I fully agree but I wavered.

I wavered at whether I should serve people's lousy attitude (not wanting to learn the song and switching off simply because they are unfamiliar with the first song i.e. wanting to be served instead) or simply making worship accessible. At last, I decided to change the order on my song set. I began by singing a familar song (although I still did not quite agree with the observation) but because I felt that I should submit to the person who made the suggestion since he is the leader. No harm will be done to my salvation or to my obedience to God anyway.

Well, the worship I felt personally turned out to be quite a surprised not because I did a switch in my song order but I sensed that God was moving in our midst and the team shared the same sentiments. I had a simple song set with exception to "Hosanna" by Paul Baloche which is the 'unfamiliar' song to many eventhough it was already sung once in the service. Well, yeah, it's true is still considered new and that was probably the reason why I followed up on it so that it doesn't become an UNFAMILIAR song the next time.

The song that really hit with the people was "My Saviour's Love". Everyone (90%) in the 'house' - (pardon the expression) were lifting up their hands in worship and even the most unlikely of people. I didn't think it was how I arranged the song either, it was really God's presence moving in our midst and drawing hearts to Himself. I really enjoyed playing the "vessel role" because I know that it wasn't me who was "generating the worship". It just happened. When we went into the free worship, we switched the progression and just sang to the Lord 'songs from our heart'. I felt that we could always continue in free worship but time is the restraining factor.

C interceded and it was really a time where I felt the prayers were "hitting the heavenlies". JS the speaker for the day had a word. I paraphrased, "I saw a vision of a bowl filled with incense, as the prayers were prayed, the bowl got bigger and bigger, the spirit of worship is present and we need to worship Him". So after the time of intercession, we continued with Free Worship and the presence of God was soooo very strong that I felt my whole face burning red hot. It lasted as long as the free worship continued.

Each time I go through this experience I know that it is God and not me. I remembered when I started to lead worship, I ask God to show me a sign that it is His presence whenever I lead in worship so that I know that it His and not me and I have never failed to experience this all the time.

I want to thank God for allowing me to experience Him while serving and to be simply a vessel...

Managing expectations

2006-11-20T11:47:00.000+08:00

For a long while since, I have never felt the pressure to live up to anybody's expectations. I usually make my own decision and I really don't bother with what others think about my decision. HOWEVER, this time round I feel so 'caught'. What would I do after I give birth. Will I quit my job and stay home full time to look after my kid? This question plagues me.

We are exploring the options and we are open to what God will say to us. I know God can speak against my personal desires and I am willing to submit to Him as long as it is what God is saying. As of now, i am not inclined to quit from my job but I can feel that there are expectations for me from others to do so.

To me, the call to full time ministry has been one that came from the Lord (one of the most major decisions in my life i ever had to make), so to quit, I need to hear from Him. That's the great dilemma I am in now. Should I just make a maternalistic and logical decision and do what I am expected to do? I waver. It is not an easy decision to make either way, quit or stay.

I just hope that by then, I am given the space to breathe and discover...

A Vessel

2006-11-15T10:09:00.000+08:00

I can't perform the miracle, make someone feel better or convert someone by my sheer eloquence. There is nothing in me. I have nothing. I am only a vessel, a channel that God in his grace and mercy chooses to use.

Neither am I a worm but I know where I am in God. I am His servant, Paul often referred himself as the bondslave of Christ. A bondslave is one who had been set free and returns freely to serve his master. The key is, service and servant. He does what the Master asks of him and in this, will be the servant's delight i.e. that the Master's task is done and He is pleased with my service.

I am still trying to understand what it means to be satisfied in God. Why do I love Jesus? Is it because of what He can do for me? I'm still meditating. What if He doesn't answer an important prayer I make and say YES? Will i still love Him? Why do I love Jesus? I am still searching my heart. Before I know why, I will still love Him and serve Him.

I am only a valueless, weak and fragile clay vessel. It's not who I am but it is what is in me IF I let it shine out of me. The precious treasure of the gospel of Jesus Christ gives light and life to those around me. Can you imagine depositing a treasure into something that is not secure? We will usually lock up the treasures in a safe deposit box so that no one can have access to it. Yet God put His treasure in us, weak and feable clay jars to simply demonstrate one thing - the Power comes from him and not from us but the risk is, the treasure might not shine... might be lost... but discredit him....

When we serve, when we do something well. Who gets the glory?

About Worship

2006-11-10T09:31:00.000+08:00

What is worship? The word first appeared in Genesis 22:5 "Stay here with the donkey, and I and the lad will go over there; we will worship and return to you." Abraham was about to take Isaac and offer to the Lord as he was being instructed. It is interesting to note that the first understanding of worship from the bible was not about songs and music. Worship is first of all obedience to the Lord our Creator and Giver, and that obedience resulted in sacrifice of the highest price.

I firmly believe that worship is not just about the songs we sing on sundays or songs we sing sing during a gathering of believers. It is the overflowing expression of our love and obedience for the Lord that causes us to sing with love, with joy, with awe, with admiration to the Lord. Without an abiding relationship with God on a daily basis, our singing to Him will mean nothing to Him but noise.

Amos 5:21 - 24 (NASB)

"I hate, I reject your festivals,
Nor do I delight in your solemn assemblies.
Even though you offer up to Me burnt offerings
and your grain offerings,
I will not accept them;
And I will not even look at the peace offerings
of your fatlings.
Take away from Me the noise of your songs;
I will not even listen to the sound of your harps.
But let justice roll down like waters
And righteousness like an ever-flowing stream."

Israel having being chosen as God's representative did not live a life of obedience to her call. She behaved just the like rest of the other pagan nations. Usurping justice and forsaking righteouness. Yet, they continue to offer to the Lord their sacrifices hoping that the act will bring them blessings. God returned all their sacrifices and rejected their offerings.

As a worship leader, I am conscious of not hyping people up because everyone comes from different posture in their relationship with God. If they are going to sing and not mean from their heart, sing because they need to sing and not out of a love relationship with God, perhaps I am encouraging them to be hypocrites. Yes, I know there are two sides of the coin but I am choosing to nitpick on this perspective for today.

I was just listening to Paul Baloche's cd, "A Greater Song". One of the songs he wrote, "What can I do but thank You, what can I do but give my life to You." It touched me. It's true. Worship does not stop at the songs, it begins from the song we sing and flows into our daily relationship with Christ. Having witnessed, and experienced His greatness and providence, "What can I do? but thank You, What can I do but give my life to You."

Giving of our life is not just saying it, singing it or feeling good about it, it is acting on it. It doesn't matter how long we dwell in free worship of tongues, that's not the point. The point is, how far am I willing to obey the Lord? Just like Abraham offering Isaac. THat's how far he was willing to worship the God who gave him his only son.

I don't want to misunderstand worship Lord. Let it be an overflowing expression of my obedience for You and my love for you.

the power of money

2006-11-09T15:28:00.000+08:00

Had a good dinner with a friend and was discussing about the power of money. It is so invisible yet so powerful. With money, lots of things can be done. One can buy shelter, food, luxury, status, friendship, comfort, image, style, convenience etc... that's why we do everything we can to obtain it. Once you have it, you almost have the world. The force is so powerful, some spend their entire life chasing after it.

Jesus often challenged about serving either God or Money. If we serve one, we can't serve the other. The quest for wealth will distract us from the pursuits of God and His will. Yet the love of money is such a silent killer. We never know how it has a hold on us until we are drawn into its invincible realm. There are many ways to justify this quest i.e. be responsible, provide for your family and all that. Beneath the disguise is an addiction to the power money brings. Having loads of it makes one feels in control, in charge. Especially in this world where dollars and cents makes the most logical sense to our senses, money is "god" especially if we worship it.

It's a scary and a perpetual nightmare. Being rich, wealthy is not the problem. Loving the wealth, hogging it, placing life's security upon it will slowly pollute us until we become poisonous. We'll never know how much influence it has on us until one day, it is removed from us. Love for money has the ability to unearth the envy & greed monsters in our lives. It can blind us so much from making the right decisions and causes us to be as helpless as one who is addicted to heroin.

I've seen how the love for money destroyed lives. A seasoned investor who draws a 5-digit salary could overnight be hit by a crisis because of an overly ambitious, miscalculated investment. All riches turn to rags as the wand of fortune waves away. No matter how much one loves money, it will never have your interests at heart. Money doesn't serve man. Man serve money. Choose God and serve Him.

1 Tim 6:6 (NLT) "Yet true religion with contentment is wealth"

I don't need to have a lot of money to be happy. I just need to have enough and have the Lord to be blessed.

Ted:

2006-11-06T16:30:00.000+08:00

Ok, by now everybody knows that the Pastor of a Mega Church in Colorado Springs has admitted to charges on "sexual immoral conducts". (you can google ted haggard to find out more).

No, I am not about to criticize him. I've heard this man before. Very eloquent and is Spirit Filled. Speaks with conviction and is gentle in his challenge. I was surprised as well when I read the news.

He has issued a letter of apology but is now on leave from the Church. I am not sure the extend of his "sexual immoral conducts" but well.. a spade is a spade. It's interesting my post yesterday was on "character".

It's a sober reminder that everyone of us is not exempted from Satan's attack. The origin of sin began with deception. Satan lures us to believe in lies before he leads us into his trap. He is the Systematic Tempter, never underestimate him. If we do not posture ourselves to walk in humility i.e. I need someone to help me see my blindspots, walk in truth i.e. the word of God, walk in purity i.e. act purely and think purely... we will fall into deception. When deception blinds us, we are in for a treat from Satan.

Of course, the accuser chose to expose Ted at this point of his life for political and personal reasons as well but Satan always choose the right time to put the man of God in the headlines.

Lord, help Ted and his family through this and help him to change

The Shape of Character

2006-11-04T15:24:00.000+08:00

Yesterday nite at LG, we were asked, how has God been shaping us?

I remembered years ago, God showed me two pictures. One was a picture of a raw ore and the other was the picture of a sparkling diamond. God said He would shape me and mould me from the ore into the diamond. Years later as I evaluate how God has shaped me, all I can say is that I have become a more patient person than I was years ago. I've learnt to let things take its shape and let God step in when it is not my time to do anything or say anything.

Yet it's not my past that God wants me to measure myself against i.e "how bad I was and how better I have become". The molding process never stops and continues on. Before I pat myself on the shoulder too quickly, God has placed even more patient people around me. One is my fellow colleague and friend and the other my husband. Each time I am about to congratulate myself for having come 'so far' in my journey, I look at these people whose patience exceeds the normal range for me as far as I am concern. I am placed in the company of these people for one simple reason I believe, I still have a long way to go and I must not be contented with the seemingly improvements I've made.

Yet my failings, imperfections and 'not there yet' notions should not stop me from serving the Almighty. These failings, imperfections will be corrected as I go along and let God do his work. As a vessel is not completed overnight, so my character and spirituality continues to spin on the Potter's wheel.

Character and Spirituality will be tested, again and again. Just when we thought we are there, we'll be tested. The timing of the test is not known to us. Often it springs up at unexpected hours and places. When tested, we know where we are and where we stand. The test is not to condemn us but to reveal to us how deep we have grown. Just as the vessel of clay after being shaped, goes into the furnace. The furnace will tell what the vessel is made of.

The measure of Character and true Spirituality is not seen from our achievements but is seen from how we love, how we care and how we respond to the tests that comes now and then when we are least prepared for it.

Potter's Hand

2006-10-30T09:20:00.000+08:00

Beautiful Lord
Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure
All of my days are
Held in Your hands
Crafted into You perfect plans

You gently call me
Into Your Presence
Guiding me by
Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all my life
Through Your eyes

I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing
Me to yourself, lead me Lord I pray

Take me, mould me
Use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me
Lead me,
walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

God used this song to speak to me almost 5 1/2 years ago when he was challenging me to quit my job and to go into full time ministry. I had nothing to lose in a sense that my job wasn't exactly high paying. Yet, there was an air of uncertain that looms as I make my decision to quit. I remembered sitting on the left side of the church sanctary. Throughout the whole time of praise and worship, I was uneasy. When this song came, I broke down because I couldn't sing and mean it at the same time. The W/L wasn't exactly the 'anointed', 'charged' up type (pardon the expression) but it's precisely he was unfanciful that I know God was 'hitting' right into my heart. The day before was already very jolting, God pinned me down on the floor literally to speak to me. The next day was round two. Everything from the praise and worship to the sermon was a direct assault against my fears and indecisiveness. 5 1/2 years later, as I led this song, the words continue to speak to me but with fresh meaning. This time I am able to sing it and mean it. I believe that as long as the Potter is with me, I can go through anything and everything. With pain and with joy. Thank You, My Potter.

Beyond the acts of verbal confession

2006-10-27T11:57:00.000+08:00

Most Word-Faith teachers will use Mark 11:22 - 24 to justify their teaching and practise on "Faith as Positive Confession".

Mark 11:22 - 24 (NASB)

22And Jesus answered saying to them, "Have faith in God.

23Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and castinto the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he saysis going to happen, it will be granted him.

24Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe thatyou have received them, and they will be granted you.

25Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone,so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.

Word-Faith teachers propogate that whatever you confess will come to pass but you must believe you have already received it. Therefore, if you still have lingering symptoms of an illness, confess that you are healed and not mention your symptoms then you are healed. I believe there's a place for confession but confession as a means to FAITH i.e. confess God's word until you have faith is what I would consider an extreme and unbiblical practise. In Mark 11:22, Jesus told his disciples to first and foremost have faith in GOD and not have faith in positive confession.

In the literal context of Mark 11:23 - 24. It is about praying with faith in God. It's about addressing the obstacles (mountain) in faith, it is about having faith and not doubting. The main focus is about having faith in God and when one prays instead of CONFESSION as the Word- Faith preachers tend to read INTO the text.

Mark 11:24 "Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they wil be granted."

This verse has been misintepreted. To believe you have receive is not to confess that you have received. It is to aligned your attitudes and actions according to what you believed. Heb 11:1 - 39 tells us that the faith of these people were seen and lived through their obedience i.e. their faith were evidenced by their actions and not by their verbal confession.

Verses 23 and vs 24 juxtaposes each other.
vs 23 "... but believes what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him."
vs 24 "... pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you."

We can't lift a passage out of context and put our own meaning into it without systematically intepreting the verses before and after. A practise that one propogates as a 'spiritual exercise' must be well supported by scriptures, it must be what the early apostles themselves were doing as well. Unfortunately, the teaching of Faith as positive confession do not have biblical reference/support of the apostles themselves practising it.

To ensure that a practise is biblical, we must also not ignore the rest of the teachings on the same subject, in this case, Faith & Prayer and it's qualifications to receiving an answered prayer.

- God the Father is glorified from that request > John 14:13 – 14
- we have an abiding relationship with Him > John 15:7
- we keep his commands & do the things pleasing in His sight > 1 John 3:22
- we pray according to his will > 1 John 5:14,15
- we pray with the right motives > James 4:3

If we ever want to justify an act as faith, it is the act of persistent prayer - Luke 18

Mark 11:22 - 25 will even be more understood if we deal with the events of Jesus cleansing the temple as well as cursing the fig tree because all these events took place on a single day and therefore had a continuation of thought.

For now, I am just contented with dealing with the intepretation of Mark 11:22 - 25 on its own and explain the context of the other two events on another day when I am in the 'mood' to do so.

Expressions of Faith... Hebrew 11:1 - 39 (NRSV)

2006-10-26T10:54:00.000+08:00

1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. 2 Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval. 3 By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible.4 By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain's. Through this he received approval as righteous, God himself giving approval to his gifts; he died, but through his faith he still speaks. 5 By faith Enoch was taken so that he did not experience death; and "he was not found, because God had taken him." For it was attested before he was taken away that "he had pleased God." 6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, for whoever would approach him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. 7 By faith Noah, warned by God about events as yet unseen, respected the warning and built an ark to save his household; by this he condemned the world and became an heir to the righteousness that is in accordance with faith.8 By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to set out for a place that he was to receive as an inheritance; and he set out, not knowing where he was going. 9 By faith he stayed for a time in the land he had been promised, as in a foreign land, living in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he looked forward to the city that has foundations, whose architect and builder is God. 11 By faith he received power of procreation, even though he was too old — and Sarah herself was barren — because he considered him faithful who had promised. 12 Therefore from one person, and this one as good as dead, descendants were born, "as many as the stars of heaven and as the innumerable grains of sand by the seashore."13 All of these died in faith without having received the promises, but from a distance they saw and greeted them. They confessed that they were strangers and foreigners on the earth, 14 for people who speak in this way make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. 15 If they had been thinking of the land that they had left behind, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; indeed, he has prepared a city for them.17 By faith Abraham, when put to the test, offered up Isaac. He who had received the promises was ready to offer up his only son, 18 of whom he had been told, "It is through Isaac that descendants shall be named for you." 19 He considered the fact that God is able even to raise someone from the dead — and figuratively speaking, he did receive him back. 20 By faith Isaac invoked blessings for the future on Jacob and Esau. 21 By faith Jacob, when dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph, "bowing in worship over the top of his staff." 22 By faith Joseph, at the end of his life, made mention of the exodus of the Israelites and gave instructions about his burial.23 By faith Moses was hidden by his parents for three months after his birth, because they saw that the child was beautiful; and they were not afraid of the king's edict. 24 By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called a son of Pharaoh's daughter, 25 choosing rather to share ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He considered abuse suffered for the Christ to be greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking ahead to the reward. 27 By faith he left Egypt, unafraid of the king's anger; for he persevered as though he saw him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.29 By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as if it were dry land, but when the Egyptians attempted to do so they were drowned. 30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell after they had been encircled for seven days. 31 By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient, because she had received the spies in peace.32 And what more should I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets — 33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched raging fire, escaped the edge of the sword, won strength out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. 35 Women received their dead by resurrection. Others were tortured, refusing to accept release, in order to obtain a better resurrection. 36 Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned to death, they were sawn in two, they were killed by the sword; they went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, persecuted, tormented — 38 of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.39 Yet all these, though they were commended for their faith, did not receive what was promised, 40 since God had provided something better so that they would not, apart from us, be made perfect.

God's will

2006-10-19T09:25:00.000+08:00

Chanced upon the story of Roger Youderian. His name might not ring a bell to most of us but he was with Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, Peter Fleming, Ed McCully when they were speared to their death on Palm Beach, 8 January, 1956. A history of martyrdom not too remote from us. Today, I'm not going to talk about Jim Elliot. I'm going to talk about Roger Youderian. In the book "Through the gates of splendour", a short excerpt about him tells us that he was trained to play the piano from young, but at the age of 9, he suffered from Polio and had to give up playing piano for the rest of his life. In his late 20s, he and his wife left for Ecuador and met up with Jim Elliot later on to provide air transport for the missionaries as well as medical supplies to the tribal groups they were working with.

I wonder, what was a man with Polio doing in Ecuador? Why didn't God heal him so that he can move with ease and speed? Was he in the will of God or not in the will of God? Please do not mistaken me. I believe God can heal and He will heal. I am praying for Sis Luan to be healed, for a buddy and an ex LG member - that their womb will be restored and they will bear children. So let me qualify, I believe in healing. Yet many a times we speak of GOd's will to heal as if it is a default (out of his sovereignty) i.e. "it is His will to heal therefore anyone who is sick who comes to him will be healed if we pray in faith". If a person is not healed, either he did not have faith or he did not pray persistently. Something is wrong with him. That's how we become cruel/insensitive in our judgments whether in our inner thoughts or in the words we say.

Rojer Youderian has my admiration. He did not allow his physical condition to hinder him from preaching the gospel. Paul had a bodily illness when he preached the gospel to the Galatians the first time - Gal 4:13. We know it was not an eye problem but it was a bodily illness, not a person who was sent to taunt him. Was Paul in God's will? Definitely. Was he eventually healed of his bodily condition? We don't know.

Joni Erickson, paralyzed from waist down is still on her wheelchair after 30 years later. Today she runs an organization that reaches out to the physically challenged with the gospel of Jesus Christ. This is what she says:

"I managed to redeem a tragedy,” says Joni, “through the accident I have become infinitely aware of how precious life is, what a gift, God works though me, to show love and respect.”

Joni ministers to the countless today who suffers. Is she in the will of God on her wheelchair?

I believe God will and can heal any diseases and illnesses. We need to pray and pray persistently in faith. Ultimately the timing belongs to God, it is his perogative as to WHEN He will heal. When it doesn't happen according to our timetable, let's not conclude too quickly. Faith is not about what we can see but what we can't. Abraham took 10 years of waiting before his promised son came...

When Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick. He prolonged his stay where he was for another two more days. By the time Jesus got to Lazarus, he was already buried. Mary and Martha responded by saying "If you had been here, my brother would not have died." - John 11:21, 32. From their perspective, Lazarus was dead and it was the end. From Jesus' perspective, "I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?" - John 11:25 - 26

Hence it was God's will that Jesus delayed his response upon hearing the news that Lazarus was sick. He knew the right timing to respond and had a reason why. The perogative is His. Our posture is to pray and believe, leave the timing to God. When it has not yet come to past, let God.

Mind

2006-10-16T11:03:00.000+08:00

Ok. I admit, I use my mind a lot. I think a lot about many things in life. It used to be a great barrier for me to understand 'spiritual things'. For example, I didn't know how to see vision, how does the word of knowledge and word of wisdom operate. It is something abstract and uncomprehendable at stage of my life when I was exploring. Over the years, as I walked the journey of all these, God has taught me lots of important lessons. There was even a time when I was told "not to think so much" just be led by the Spirit of God.

As I looked back, I realized that the MIND is an important faculty that God has created. WE are to love the Lord our God, with all our HEART, our SOUL, our MIND and our STRENGTH. We are to love God with our thoughts and what we think about. The MIND has to be renewed so that IT CAN APPROVE/DISCERN the will of the Lord - Romans 12:2. The MIND is the only faculty if renewed would be able to KNOW/APPROVE and discern God's will. God's will is not limited to the WORD of GOD only. His will is also God's purpose and intentions for our lives now and how we should pattern our lives after it. We need to know HIS WILL so that we can walk in it.

I've concluded that if I want to understand God, it doesn't mean that I block out my mind. It means that IF I want to understand God, His word and His will. I need to renew my mind so that I will understand as God has intended for me to understand. It's not obliterating the use of the mind so that I can understand spiritual matters, his word, his will. Experiences alone is NOT ENOUGH, experiences must be backed up by the Word of God and His will. History itself is insufficient for us to back up our spiritual experiences.

May the Spirit of Wisdom and SPirit of Revelation enlighten the eyes of our heart so that we may know the hope to which he has called us, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us whoh believe. - Ephesians 1:18 - 19.

Don't let anyone tell you not to use the mind. A renewed mind can approve and test God's will - his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 The issue is not to NOT use the mind. It is to allow God to renew the mind and then use it. :)

To find life, lose it.

2006-10-06T08:55:00.000+08:00

Matthew 10:39
"He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." (NASB)

This one week, I've been thinking about this verse. I am still challenged and thinking how to lose my life for His sake. Am I still a surrendered disciple to His purpose and will? Am I still surrendering my life to Him everyday. As I thought through this verse by putting my life against it, sometimes I think I don't live for Him enough. There is still this portion of my life reserved for myself. It's like the weed that has to be constantly pulled out so that it doesn't overgrow and crowd out the wheats that are growing well. It's so easy to be satisfied with the status quo of life. It is so easy to miss what God is doing as I become more and more dependent on myself and on the things that surround me everyday. When a want becomes a need, I make myself believe that what I want is what I really need. But Jesus says in Matthew 10:29 - 30

"Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows."

God knows what we truly need.It is so comforting that God cares for the not-so-valuable sparrows, what we disregard as unimportant, God deem them important. Similarly, when we think of ourselves worthy and/or important. When we think that by acquring certain things in life, we've found life, Jesus says, we are about to lose it. When we lose our life for His sake, which means when we make decisions that are God-centred and God-purposed, we will find life. This world imposes fear on us. If I don't make a certain grade, I may not find a good job, earn some good money and will not be able to enjoy a good life. This is the life, lived for myself. Climb the right ladder and I'll be assured of a world of endless luxuries yet when I think I have found it, Jesus says, I will lose it. If I want to find life, I must find Christ. If I lose Christ, I will lose life. I am not condemning those who are rich, wealthy and successful in the world. The important thing is, have I found Christ in the midst of it all. Is God pleased with the way I use my resources, do I find myself losing my life for His sake in the midst of all that I have. If so, then I have found Christ.

To lose my life for HIS sake, is really to bring myself under His Lordship. To consult Him for the decisions I need to make, to trust in Him and not in the system and the riches of this world. To not even trust in my own talents and skills. I pray that my child growing up will know this truth and we've decided over at breakfast this morning that our child will grow up trusting in God. Hopefully we can find a name that fits the meaning. If you have any suggestions, please do drop me a note. :)

facts and figures

2006-09-26T14:40:00.000+08:00

60 cents was all it took for me. I voted once for Hady simply because I wanted to play a part in making him the Singapore Idol that I would be proud of. Not that Jonathon is not good but like what I said, he is too "packaged" for my liking. I asked myself why I supported Hady more than I supported Jonathon. As I thought about it, I think the reason why Hady appealed to me more was because he exudes himself, he's original, he's sincere and he is vocally reliable - a comment by Jacintha. You can find Jon-types everywhere in the market. Shoulder length hair, rocker-style, rocker sounding, etc... While Hady may not have yet developed the full 'package' of a star I believe as the day goes by, his style infused with his personality will win him many fans. No one is born a star, everyone is made a star. His advantage, he has good vocals and I'm sure as he works on it, he'll grow in style.

I guess I have little tolerance for cookie-cutter type of artist. I have little tolerance as well for wannabes. I think everyone can have their own personal style, it's whether people accept or reject it. That's all. Just don't be OVER styled, don't over promise yourself, don't over sell. For me, I try to stay true to my personality in regards to whatever I do. Whether I am teaching, preaching, leading worship or just being a listening ear to someone. I do look up to some people around me but I never try to be them. I aspire to be someone who will inspire just as I have been inspired by some of these people whom I respect a great deal. They need not be super charismatic people but one quality I realized that I always look out for is SINCERITY. Sincerity in the way they present things, talk about things and share about things. Sincerity arrests me. When someone say about something with sincerity, they speak genuinely. When it's genuine and something they've personally gone through, it is inspiring for me.

Of course, people will tell you sincerity is not enough, you need skill, you need style. I totally agree. But style and skill takes time to build. Nobody builds a skill overnight, similarly, nobody builds a style overnight. Unless one is the cookie-cutter type, he/she can be transformed overnight i.e. packaged. To me, packaged stuff is like a set meal served in a restaurant, for a season, for a good price. When the novelty wears off, a new package emerge. :) replace-able.

3.6cm is the size of my growing child right now at 10 weeks. It's amazing that with technology, the ultrasound scan can zoom in and magnify the tiny life so that I got to see his/her formed body. His/her feet and hands were in the air, swinging about as the doc commented. Moving quite a bit and at times seemed to be sneezing. The little bean I saw has become a little being. Interesting. I am awed. Yesterday when I saw the image, I sounded pretty excited. For once i say: "Wow, so cuteeeeeee" hahaha. Hope I am normal now by normal standards. Thank God for life.

'idoling': a matter of preference

2006-09-25T09:17:00.000+08:00

After last night's competition, I realized that my choice for the Singapore Idol had came down to my personal preference. Honestly, both finalists sang well. However, I couldn't bring myself to support Jonathon even though he has the overall package to be a 'regional singer'. I wasn't drawn to Jonathon because no matter how stylish he looked or sounded, I felt I wasn't getting the real thing from him. He was too 'packaged' in my own opinion and too 'packaged' for me.

As for Hady, I think it is his personal style, his tone of voice, his ability to inteprete and bring out the essence of the song that causes me to pay more attention to him. It's very strange that whenever Jonathon comes onto the stage, my ears would shut off voluntarily, maybe I have already stereotyped him. Not maybe, I have.

So, the results will be out tonight. I hope Hady will be the Singapore idol and I hope that my 60 cents vote will make a difference.

So what if he has apologized?

2006-09-20T09:24:00.000+08:00

Yes, Pope Benedict has made a politically incorrect statement. He is not just someone who represents the religious institution but he is also a political figure. Yes, he quoted from the Byzantine Emperor who was a Christian. Yes, early Christianity also spread through the sword via the crusades but let's not deny that ugly history existed on both sides, just admit it.

I am not defending the Pope. I think his comments were uncalled for and inappropriate at this time especially after the anniversary of the September 11 event. But ask ourselves, who drove the planes into the World Trade Center? Can we ignore this reality, this fact, in our present time? Yes, we must not go on hating and we must through legal means apprehend the perpetrators and we must not brand all as bad and extreme. But did anybody apologize for Sep 11????? Did those who lost their loved ones, hit the streets in demonstrations, demanding an apology and went on to hurt the innocent who happen to share the same dress code, same beliefs as those who drove the planes right through WTC?

Did those who represented the religion visit the site at New York and mourned with those who mourned? Were they there at the anniversary?

The continuous violence which took place after the apology only shows us the truth. The innocent are fearing for their lives. The innocent are harmed and injured. They demanded an apology, the apology came but the violence continued and now they say an apology is not enough? When will the evil heart of man be fully satisfied?

Free speech? It's a myth. There's no such thing as free speech. Let's just admit it. If free speech can be defined in words, it's not free anymore. Responsible speech perhaps but free speech? It's a sham.

It's time to call a spade a spade.

FLickR

2006-09-15T15:59:00.000+08:00

Ok, i've managed to create this link :P
enjoy the picsss

Thank God

2006-09-15T08:57:00.000+08:00

Firstly, I would like to thank God that so far, I am still not feeling too sick in my body as a result of my pregnancy. In fact, sometimes, I forget that I am pregnant. The only uncomfortable thing I am experiencing right now is that I don't really have much appetite for food especially the oily stuff. When it comes to meal times, I would really have to think hard about what food to eat. Due to my poor appetite, I resorted to satisfying my cravings. If I crave for something, I should eat it since in the natural sense I have no desire for anything else. The sad part the stalls that could satisfy my craving were closed. My favourite fried chicken wing stall at Toa Payoh Lor 5 was closed!!! This morning, I went to Toa Payoh Lor 3, for my favourite "Kuey Chap", but the stall was closed as well. I resolve to try again tomorrow. Talk about being persistent. :)

I really thank God that I am not puking although sometimes I do feel nauseas especially after taking too much dairy and spicy food. Thank God that I can go on with my daily life and not feel sick...

Second thing I want to thank God for is about Uncle Eddie. Last Wednesday, we went to his home to pray for him because he wanted to remove the idols that he had been worshipping for years. I can consider him really hardcore religious but now he is a totally changed person. After the prayer of renounciation, the idols were taken down from the altar, thrown into the plastic bag, everything was swept cleaned. No more traces of idolatory. It was a victorious day for him and I believe God was telling me that if He can open Uncle Eddie's eyes, He will open my parents' eyes to see salvation, He will open my father-in-law's eyes to see salvation. No one is ever too hardcore for God to touch. Paul says this of his message: "... and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, ..."

It is not with persuasive words of wisdom that will win over hearts but it is the demonstration of God's power that will win the soul over to the bright side of eternity. I believe Uncle Eddie has experience the power of God and he knows who is the most powerful. If we look at the gospel accounts of many who were saved, God's power was demonstrated as Jesus answered the cries of those deprived. Experiencing God's power will bring life and peace. Most importantly, experiencing God's power will bring transformation, from lame to walk again, from sickness to health again, from blind to see again, from bondage of sin to freedom again and from rejection to restoration.

Lord, may you use me, use the church, use whoever is willing to be that vessel, that channel, that hand, that feet to touch and transform not with words only but with your power.

6 weeks plus & 4.5mm

2006-08-29T14:42:00.000+08:00

I went to the gynae yesterday. For the first time, I heard and saw the baby's heartbeat through the ultrasound scan. It's quite amazing at this point. The gynae told me that the baby is not feeding from me yet, it is attached to a yolk and the yolk is where it draws its nutrients from. It's just great to think that when God created the reproduction system, God saw to every detail. I wonder where did the yolk come from and how it is attached to the baby. It's a mystery to me but it causes me to sing yet again in praise to God.

When people heard that I was pregnant, they would expressed their excitement in WOWS & YAYS. For myself, I didn't had such an expression. When I found out that I was pregnant via the test kit, I went "Oh, I am pregnant" - as a matter of factly. Similarly, when Adrian found out that I was pregnant, he had the same response as me. We weren't into screaming the whole house/neighbourhood down. For us, it was sober and thoughtful. We are happy for sure, thankful to God but not overwhelmed if this is the right word to use. For us, it's new responsibilities and it's trusting God all over again.

A common question people asked me when I got pregnant was, "Did you all plan this?" I would usually stare blankly because I do not know how to answer this question. Perhaps it is my weird definition of what planning means but I am almost like dumbfounded when I am asked this question. This pregnancy is God planned I guess. We were not doing anything to want to make it happen, we just let it happen naturally. We couldn't decide when was the right time, God decided for us. Afterall, I don't think I'll ever be ready in the sense of the word but I believe that God will prepare us along the way. It will be nine months before I become a mum. God's timing is perfect.

So, a tiny pea like life is growing inside me and there's nothing I can do right now for it except to eat well and sleep well so that I do not fall sick. Congratulate me.

the longest distance

2006-08-07T09:46:00.000+08:00

One of my bible school teacher, Mrs Angelina Eu, would always tell the class, the longest distance on earth is from the head to the heart. I agree fully. It's one thing to know and another to do. We don't need any more proofs to this truth because if we take a serious look into our own hearts, we know it has always been true. Why doesn't knowledge (biblical truths) make us better people? Because it doesn't until we have converted knowledge to be part of our lives so that they become principles that govern our decision making at any realm.

I'm not a saint if you don't already know by now and I don't pretend to be one. I don't share my weaknesses in order to gain any sympathy or to gain any form of understanding or to get any form of support. I do so because it is who I really am inside. I don't try to impress or put up a show for people to think of me other than what I really am.

Recently, I had two encounters with healing that exposed my lack of faith. One took place two sundays ago, when we were in a class learning about healing. We were asked to pray for a sister in Christ who had back pain. After prayer, she said, the pain was gone and she was healed. Inside my heart I said, "really meh" (literally). During the week, I smsed her and asked her about her back and she said it was perfectly fine. The truth is I really had the faith to believe for her healing when we all prayed together BUT... when she said that she was perfectly healed, I had trouble believing. Second incident was when I had a troubling and nagging headache last tuesday from noon to evening time. I didn't pray because I knew how my headache has always been very obstinate about leaving. Finally, after I got home from a wake service, I decided to pray, I sat on my home sofa and uttered a simple prayer to God, "God please take it away". Indeed I experience the healing without realizing it, minutes later.

It's strange how I have the faith to pray and believe but when it actually happened, I question the results. Through these two lessons, God taught me to 'expect answers to prayer' don't just pray. This is what I am going to do, really pray and expect my parents to come to salvation and be set free from the power of sin and death. This is the longest distance I am talking about. What you know and what you actually do with it.

The apostle Paul, great man of God, says that he will boast about his weakness so that the power of Christ may dwell in him, 2 Corinthians 12:9. To a certain extent I am beginning to understand this verse experientially. When I talk about my weakness, I realize how easy it is for me to stray if God is not with me. I sense the empowering presence of God, not a comforting presence but a strengthening presence. The power that empowers me beyond my state of weakness. A power that gives me the strength to overcome and to do what He has asked of me. The power that does not come from me but from Him. A power for me to know that everything I did in His name was done in His power and not because I am so good or 'talented'. It is really not me at all and because of this, I'm learning humility.

Fix our eyes on Jesus not on men because all things done for God was done by His power. All glory to Him.

thorn in the flesh

2006-08-02T09:59:00.000+08:00

2 Corinthians 12:7 - 9
"Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,
for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was
given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to
torment me - to keep me from exalting myself!
Concerning this I implored the Lord three times
that it might leave me.
And He has said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you,
for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore,
I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of
Christ may dwell in me."

The ambiguity lined up in this short passage is too much for my wanting mind to grasp. Was Paul's thorn a physical infirmity or was it a person who troubled him i.e. a Messenger of Satan. I was forced to look at the greek text of the passage but it didn't prove to be of much help. Instead more problematic.

If the thorn was a person, why did bible translators, translated verse 7, Paul's prayer to God to remove "IT". But if the thorn was a "IT" why did Paul use the verb "leave" only meant for persons? The pronoun "IT" is not found in the greek sentence. The translators had added that word in english to make it sound grammatically correct but beyond grammatic soundness I believe that they were trying to stay TRUE to the greek construction of the sentence.

The ambiguity was left intentionally by Paul. He could have told us what the 'thorn' was but he did not reveal it to us just as he did not reveal to us what the "surpassing greatness of the revelations"were in the closing chapters of 2 Corinthians.

In the greek sentence construction, we can't really tell for sure which is the SUBJECT, i.e. Thorn or Messenger of Satan. The word "leave" or "depart" in verse 8 is a verb used only for PERSONS and not Object. Therefore, Paul was asking God to remove "the messenger of satan" who was CAUSING the "thorn". Paul did what was right by asking God to remove the source causing his discomfort, if the source could be removed, the symptoms would naturally ceased. If Paul's thorn was a messenger i.e. a person, he could have simply said, "the messenger of satan was sent to torment me".

It was left open-ended intentionally. Whatever it is, God allows discomfort, irritants, pains in our lives for a reason. For Paul, it was a way of humbling him because it was revealed to him great things he was not supposed to share. Through those times of humbling, God taught him to boast in his weakness instead of boasting of his own strength. Through those times of humbling, he learnt what it meant to live by God's sufficient grace.

This passage does not tell us that we must not stop praying for people to be healed. It simply tells us how we should respond to trials allowed by God and knowing that in tough times, God's grace is sufficient.

May I be found faithful.

Raw Nerves

2006-07-22T11:42:00.000+08:00

Those who know me, know that I don't mince my words. I rather tell it in the face then gossip about it. I admit in the past I have been brutal and very brutal and I am regretful, still am very regretful each time I think about the past. (sorry to those who got the brunt of it).

My virtue is to say what I mean and mean what I say but the journey of discovering how to say it without the brutal part is still a learning process. I have mild down, toned down quite a bit already. (Yes, if you are looking at me with that weird and skeptical look.)

I have come to experience that sometimes, I don't have to always speak my mind. Does it matter? How will that affect eternity? Somethings are best left unsaid & uncommented - it doesn't really matter. BUTTTT certain things in life do hit a raw nerve and I do not know when and how those raw nerves were left exposed or untreated. For example, the grossly inconsistent policy of "GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE" aka "GEMS" that I encounter almost every other day. It's one thing to put it down on paper and make it look good, it's another to make it work and make it workable. My friend's handphone has not been repaired. Nokia is just taking their own sweet time, ignoring the inconveniences the customer had faced. That aside, they do not keep to their commitment. What is "Good Customer Service"? When asked about the handphone, they just say, another 3 - 5 days..... is that Good Customer Service??? When will Singapore EVER move up the ranks of quality customer service?

RAW nerves, still many more. To express or not to express? To say or not to say. I struggle most when I see injustices when I see unfairness when I see inconsistencies. I hope I will say it if I need to in a better way.

God help me.

no customer serviceeeeeee

2006-07-17T14:12:00.000+08:00

Hai, just found out from my friend, that she will NOT be getting her handphone back today as "PROMISED" by NOkia CSO. I am wondering what is wrong again this time. They didn't even tell her what is wrong! Just wait!!!

Good Customer Service?

2006-07-15T11:48:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I pity Big Corporations. They spend hours and tonnes of money designing, creating good marketing strategies but only to have their ground staff aka CUSTOMER SERVICE flame up all their efforts, time and MONEY. It's a total waste of money.

Does Good Customer Service exist in Singapore? ? ? ? What Customer Service.

Just yesterday I went with my friend to the Nokia Care Centre. This is the 3rd time her newly bought Nokia 6280 is giving her problems. 12 days ago, her handphone was returned to her finally after she make a few phone calls to enquire on the status of the repair - (the service centre promised to call her 3 days later but after 3 days, no calls came). On the report, it was just some numbers that a lay person won't understand. What is "L3" repair??? She was informed that her handphone antenna was faulty so a new one was being replaced... but 12 days later, the same problem resurfaced, no network signal whatsoever.

At the counter, the CSO just checked the handphone, didn't tell us anything and started keying in away on her computer. We had to ask what is going to happen to the handphone. She systematically told us that her on-site engineers will diagnose the problem, if repair can't be done at her site, it will be sent to the HQ. *duh* ... so we asked where was the last repair done? She scanned the barcode and found out that the repair was done at the HQ. We asked, if it was sent to the HQ, shouldn't it be directed to the HQ now instead of wasting time diagnosing onsite and wasting more hours trying to find out what is wrong with the problem. She went away into the room behind her, I suppose consulting her onsite engineers, came back and told us that they will sent it to HQ and will require 2 days i.e. sat/sun to fix the problem. I thought at last something more reasonable but hey, as customers we have to help her with the process men, imagine we had not asked where was the last repair done? She would have follow the "COMPANY POLICY" to get her onsite engineer to diagnose, waste some more time, unable to fix it, waste more time, sent to the HQ, waste even more time, repair at the HQ and return back to the service centre. *Alas*

Ok, at least they committed that the phone will be back on Monday but how about loaning a unit for my friend to use? The CSO updated us, told us that previously it was their practise. They scrapped the service entirely because some delinquent customers abused the loaned phones and were returned faulty. What a way to solve the problem. Should we chop off the whole head because lice are found???? Perhaps this is the way to lower operating costs. I told the CSO in a mild mannered way, that they should make the customer sign an agreement (which they are very fond of us doing that) should the loaned phone not returned in working condition, the customer should be penalized. Instead of scrapping the service, they should have come up with a better way to deter the delinquents. Nobody accepts liability. Service Provider-Win, Hardware Manufacturer-Win (they already sold the unit to you, no refund, just service), Customer-lose.
1-1-0 ...

The problem with this mini saga for me was this. The Service provider aka Singtel, M1, Starhub make u sign a 2 year agreement. If you break the contract, you'll be penalized. How smart! When the hardware gives way, they are not liable, you MUST stick to the contract albeit even without a phone. Hardware manufacturer really can't be bothered, they will just fix the problem and if it recurs, they will continue to fix it - com'on. Denmark's Telia (Teliasonera) has taken the nokia 6280 off market due to its many errors. For the antenna to be faulty the second time, something must be wrong with the hardware or the person fixing it. One user from Amsterdam was discussing the problems of the phone with the service centre, go to link to view the forum: (http://forum2.mobile-review.com/showthread.php?p=418017), 4 pages of software problems!!!!!! Please tell us which batch and recall the handphones in SG.

What customer service? The last time I had good service was when I pay a high price for it at the Dining Place with fine dining cuisines. In singapore, when you pay peanuts, you really get monkeys. Perhaps not the fault of the CSO but the fault of those who devise lousy "COMPANY POLICY". I do pity the CSO sometimes but what to do, the brain behind them are not doing their job well.

Good service is not just the job of the CSO, Good services starts from the tops.

Meet Simba

2006-07-04T20:31:00.000+08:00

This is Simba (the one on the right facing you) and he is making headlines on my blog today. A Labrador Retriever, Fun Loving, Gentle and is quite obedient except when you ask him to stop loving/licking people.... especially excited when he sees people - He's my people dog. :)

nb: please be responsible pet owners, own them for life

P e r s p e c t i v e s

2006-07-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

"there are always 2 sides to a coin and it takes two hands to clap"

familiar sayings suggesting that it usually takes two to understand something and two to complete the picture. It's about perspectives. Seeing things from our point of view either makes us very happy people or sad people. It just depends on which angle we view the matter through the type of lenses.

A person who has suffered major rejection from close family members will grow up feeling more rejection than love, hence when he or she gets turned down by others will feel a tremondous hurt. Yet those who turn the person down did not have the intention to injure that person emotionally. An objective and genuine "NO" can cause that person to feel low and lousy about himself or herself. Another person with a more positive outlook of life will take the "NO" objectively rather than personally. It's about how a person has been "configured" throughout the years. Experiences of life will either make us more sound or more cynical. The world wants us to be more cynical and that's for sure. It wants to hardened us so we become even more selfish, possessive and protective of our lives and emotions.

I realized it's important for us not ONLY to see God from our perspectives but to see God from His perspectives. I like The Message, translation of Isaiah 55:9 ff

"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
God's Decree.
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think."

God sees from ABOVE while we see from BELOW. Our Father sees very differently from what we see. God sees his overall purpose being fulfilled but we see our needs/prayers being met or not met. When we keep on trying to see God from our perspective, we missed the overall picture of what God is seeing. One interesting story from the bible illustrates this quite aptly. The story of Joseph. He had a great future but he didn't know it had to start from the pits. As he endured the injustices and trials leading to his vision being fulfilled, he saw the overall picture more than he saw his vision not fulfilled. If he had not seen God's way being above his own sufferings, he would have complained, fought for his freedom and left Eygpt. His promotion was God's way of honouring Him and as Rev. Reinhard Bonnke put it at last weekend's "Fire Conference" - God's purpose has many stratas. God promoted Joseph, throught that, Joseph had the revelation from God that famine would hit the land, store up enough for the nation and for his family, reunited with his family and was instrumental in preserving the nation - Israel whom God will deliver and use.

I see only so much from my own perspective. When I keep on seeing God from my perspective, I lose sight of the whole of what God is doing around me. He is not just concerned about ME, He cares and love everybody around me and will use anybody who says, I am willing. It's high time I train myself to constantly seek God's point of view not just about ME or MINE but about the whole. While I may not see the FULL picture as He does, I will be willing to play that small part, He wants me to play.

truth hurts but it heals too

2006-06-28T09:58:00.000+08:00

2 nights ago, I asked a very close friend of mine if I am an insistent person. Haha.. without any second thoughts, she said yes. Wow, that drove a long nail right through my heart. If you ask, you'll get the answers. Of course, initially I would think to myself, I do not think I am an insistent person all the time but I only insist when I am sure about certain things close to my heart i.e. when I have been seeking God about it or it is IN my system due to long periods of conditioning e.g. spiritually or just my personal value system. That analysis certainly made me felt better but it also got me reflecting (truth heals).

As I thought through, certainty about something for me will activate a wish/desire to see it happen immediately and NOW. If it is God's will, it is NOW. As I look back on buying our first flat, it was the same. When I first view the unit (my current place), I was quite sure that the house was IT. But my then fiance and husband now do not think so and asked me to keep my options opened but how could I when I knew in the depths of my heart that it is the place God will let us have it. It was only 3 months later, we were led back to the same unit after seeing countless ones. During those times I had to grapple with my own 'disappointments'. Did God really say I will have that unit??? Did I hear wrongly or what? When we finally got the unit, we paid 10K lesser than when we first saw it.

Recently, I sensed in my heart that God is asking me to wait on him. Remember the vision of the eagle that Veron had for me and I had inner witness that God was speaking to my heart. The word came again when William was sharing about waiting for the sunrise at the retreat. God didn't tell him what time but to just wait. It hit me again the second time. I believe all that I am going through now is all linked as I am reflecting.

Waiting on God is not something that is passive or a period of idleness. The Eagle, when he is old, will retire to a place where the rocks are. While there, he plucks out every feather on his body until he is completely bare. He stays in this hiding place until he has grown new feathers, then comes out again. The Eagle waits so that his strength is renewed. Before he can soar above the storm, he must wait in the caves for his feathers to be grown again. Imagine those times when he appears to be the most defenseless. Waiting can make us look defenseless but waiting will renew us when we do the right thing i.e. pluck out the old and worn feathers!

The feathers of mine has to be plucked out, the renewal will come when I am ready to change the way I see things. When God speaks, it doesn't have to happen now but the assurance is that it will take place later. I don't have to insist that God's will happens, if it happens, it will be a God orchestrated event. Even if it doesn't happen the way I want it, it is God's perogative. He is God.

All the past weeks of waiting on God is beginning to make sense as I reflected on what my friend had said. Truth hurts but truth also heals when we take on the right attitude towards it. What's more important is that my friend spoke the truth without being malicious or with the intention of damaging.

Lord I am waiting on you.

Marriage is not just a piece of paper/contract/agreement...

2006-06-23T17:48:00.000+08:00

Watched a talk show last night on channel U and they were debating whether marriage is a good way of keeping couples together.

2 camps. One obviously believes that marriage is an important institution for the community at large. The other do not think that marriage is THE institution for the community. Those who belonged to this line of opinion felt that marriage is only a paper, a contract and an agreement that does not prove anything. Love between two couples can carry on without this agreement.

This mindset stems from the perception that if one gets married, one can get divorce (easily) as well. Therefore, if the agreement can be so easily broken why have it in the first place. The escalating trend of divorce has discriminated the sacred act of marriage.

For people who feels that marriage is only a contract, I feel sorry for them. I believe that love for each other finally should bring us to a commitment to want to live lives together and share the good and bad. For better, for worse, it is together till the end. Unless and until we desire this of the relationship, we have not truly love each other. Marriage seals this commitment and this desire.

This final statement may sound bigotry but I'm gonna make anyway. Those who see marriage
only as a contract has no confidence in themselves and in their partners. They have no confidence in their love for one another that it will last forever, till death do them part.

Marriage is for life. Marriage is only for those who wants to keep loving each other, forever.

God leads us along

2006-06-14T09:30:00.000+08:00

I attended a memorial service of Pastor Derek Tan, Former President of TCA, the bible school which I graduated from. It was a night of remembering. The fondest memory I have of him was his sense of humour. Last night, a lecturer of the bible school gave her eulogy, his sense of humour once again surfaced. On his hospital bed, he asked his fellow colleague to bring him some good food. When asked what he would like to eat, he asked for sharks' fins. Food and humour.

As I sat where I was listening to the eulogies, I asked myself, what a person be most remembered for? For Pastor Derek Tan, he will always be remembered for his kindness and graciousness, beyond all that he has accomplished, a man like him will always be remembered by how he has treated others. No hint of ranks lurks each time I sit in his room after a semester ends to discuss which courses I should be taking for the next semester. He would talk to me like how would talk to a friend. I will always remember his reassuring smile and his fatherly disposition.

Here is a man who has ran the race and finished it. It's not how long we lived but how well we lived. Cliche but true. At age 54, it seems that it is only the beginning of enjoying good things but God had decided that he has finished what he was tasked and God is taking him home.

It's a good reminder that my life belongs to God and for the Christian, death is only but the beginning of total liberty from sin and pain. Separation from loved ones on earth is only temporary, we'll see each other again.

The hymn below is Pastor Derek favourite hymn. I went to do a search and realized that George A Young, composer of this hymn has a story to tell:

"Young was an obscure 19th Century preacher and carpenter who spent a lifetime humbly serving the Lord in small rural communities. Often his financial support was small, and it was hard on his family. But through all the ups and downs his faithful wife never wavered in her loyalty to God and to her husband. After a long struggle, the family was able to move into their own small home (which George built himself). But then, on an occasion when George was away preaching, some local thugs—who didn’t like his Gospel preaching—set fire to the house, and it was totally destroyed. It was out of that experience that Young reaffirmed his faith in God by writing God Leads Us Along."

God Leads Us Along

In shady, green pastures, so rich and so sweet,
God leads His dear children along;
Where the water’s cool flow bathes the weary one’s feet,
God leads His dear children along.

Refrain

Some through the waters, some through the flood,
Some through the fire, but all through the blood;
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song,
In the night season and all the day long.

Sometimes on the mount where the sun shines so bright,
God leads His dear children along;
Sometimes in the valley, in darkest of night,
God leads His dear children along.

Refrain

Though sorrows befall us and evils oppose,
God leads His dear children along;
Through grace we can conquer, defeat all our foes,
God leads His dear children along.

Refrain

Away from the mire, and away from the clay,
God leads His dear children along;
Away up in glory, eternity’s day,
God leads His dear children along.

Refrain

This was probably the only hymn he wrote, yet it reflected the reality of life and faith, of God's leading and of not always having a smooth ride despite his leading.

The race need not be one that is glorious, it needs to be finished with a heart of obedience, regardless of what. What will I be remembered for?

Habakkuk

2006-06-10T09:21:00.000+08:00

Yes, I have a new blogskin aka template. Decided to make it brighter :)

While travelling to work this morning, this passage came to my mind.

Habbakuk 3:17 - 19
Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,

Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

The Lord God is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.

Will I still praise and delight in Him when I do not immediately receive relief from pain? Will I still love Him and cling to Him when I do not immediately receive answers? Will I continue to have faith if what happens around me do not harmonize with what I believe? Will I allow God sovereignty to over-rule?

i must.

Retreat: Phrases to remember

2006-06-09T18:41:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Batu Pahat for our church retreat 2006. I really enjoyed the pace of the retreat and also took time to get to talk to people I see in church on sundays that I seldom get a chance to talk to.

It was also a time for many to share their testimonies and it was a good time listening to most of the people who shared their journeys.

I want to thank God for helping me find some answers in this camp. There were also a few things that a few people spoke that had impacted my thoughts. I shall write it here and remember these phrases for a long time and come back to it as and when I need to. I paraphrase:

1. Be like a child - simply trust and believe - don't ask why why why...
2. To win the prize, the heavenward prize, all we need to do is to complete the race
3. Have faith in God, pray and believe in the impossible but LET HIM decide on the timing
4. Understanding the experience is important as well as responding to the experience
5. Power need not only be something outward and dramatic, when God's words begin to change a person's mind about Himself, power of God is at work
6. "If you love me, obey my commands.... if you want to love me deeper, go beyond the requirements."
7. Understand why I respond to something and don't respond for the sake of responding
8. In worship, engage my mind as my emotions are engaged

When my good friend was sharing devotion on the 2nd day of the camp, as I reflected on my 'race', I realized the importance of having friends along the way, cheering me on. Friends who have seen the good, bad and ugly of me (friends including my husband). It is when I am with them, I let down my "guards and defenses". I'm not fearful that I'll be judged for the thoughts that linger within me, when I can let them into my inner world without any hesitation and for always believing in me that I will choose the right path and not stray away. Friends, who will pray for me and help me see God's perspectives as truth and the only way to resolve the inner conflicts I have. I thank God for every single one of them God has sent and placed in my life. Friends who will and can tell me the truth without me getting the pangs. Because friends love.

Lord, thank you for friends.

Empower meeeee

2006-06-02T09:19:00.000+08:00

Empower Me by 
Claire Cloninger, David T. Clydesdale

Verse 1:
Nobody knows how weak I am,
better than You;
Nobody sees all of my needs,
better than You.
And nobody has the power to change me,
from what I was born to be.
Jesus be strong in my weakness,
empower me!


Chorus:
Empower me, like a rushing river
flowing to the sea.
Lord, send Your Holy Spirit
flowing now through me.
Till I'm living as Your child,
victorious and free,
send the power of Your love,
empower me.


Verse 2:
Nobody's eyes see through my soul,
better than Yours;
Nobody's love can make me whole,
no one but Yours.
And nobody has the power to lift me,
to reach for eternity.
Jesus break through all my defenses,
empower me.

It's interesting how songs have a way with me. The song above was a song I sang several years ago at my graduation from TCA. Tears rolled down my eyes as I was singing this song and the tears kept on rushing down my face, faster than I could wipe them away. I wasn't sure why but I knew God was speaking to my heart deeply. Afterall, I was graduating and what would be the road ahead when I work full time in church. It's about the rubber hitting the road situation.

I've always wanted to find out how to sing the song because I forgotton how to sing the verse. After (countingggg) 1, 2, 3, ...4, 5 years later, I rediscovered this song again, on Wednesday *glee*. I was just flipping through the RCC cell group song book and I saw this song.... I was very excited and asked everybody and anybody around me, how the song is supposed to sound like. TA-DAH, I saw Jachin and I asked him. Instantly, I got down to learning it from him.

It is a beautiful song (hear it this sunday). We can all wear a mask before men but our mask will never fool God. Nobody knows.... but YOU. Sometimes, we wear masks not to deceive intentionally but because we do not want to affect other people with our emotions and opinions. I will call it the Mask of Good Intention. Sometimes, the mask we wear is a deliberate effort to make sure that others: KEEP OUT, I will call that the Mask of Internal Security. There are times, we just want to really deceive because we want to appear good in front of people, it'll be called the Mask of Pride.

Sometimes, I fail to be the real self that (because I wonder if they are ready to accept it and not be affected by it) I propogate people to be. I feel really lousy about "pretending" and I don't wish to. The only way is the resolve the issues with the God who sees through me, inside and outside. Empower me.

*ooops, looks like blogging has became something very serious for me*****

Chance vs Divine

2006-06-01T09:37:00.001+08:00

It's my second straight week of leading worship and it's been a while since I had such a routine. Wierd as it may sound, I am leading two hymns again this week. I'm not really a hymns person but it seems that the divine has something else in mind. Last week, I led "On Higher Ground" and "Pass me not" This week, my repertoire of songs include "I don't know about tomorrow" and "It is well with my soul". To be honest, on Monday night, I was trying very hard to shake these two songs out of my mind but it never materialized. Finally I 'gave in' to the divine because obviously, He knows what HE IS DOING.

Chance or Divine? I always believed everything happens for a reason and the reason is sometimes only known to the Father. We may not even get to know the reason but obedience does not require us to know/understand everything. Some people believe in chance. Leaving our life to chance seems fatalistic. It does not require our involvement in any way. Chance deprive us of making a choice and circumstances of life become the master of our destiny. Quite fatalistic isn't it? Chance is a lousy master, it has no standards, no rules, no definitions. Anything goes, only accept it as 'fate'.

I would rather hand my life to the Divine. The one who chose me even before the foundation of the world that I would be holy and blameless before Him (Eph 1:4), and the GUY, who promises that He causes all things to work together for good to those who love HIM, to those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) and the one who knows where are we heading in eternity. Chance, get out, you're not gonna get any chance from me.

Last night, had a dream of a friend who was very close to me when I was growing up. We used to serve together in the youth ministry and were more than just partners in ministry. We hanged out together often at Sakae Sushi, shared our dreams together, prayed and cried together. In recent years, she decided to go into a r/s with a non christian person. I was taken aback and did not know how to react. Tried to dissuade her. The toughest part for me was to reconcile her decision theologically. Truth is, I can't. It's hard. I told myself to separate the decision the person made from the person. I told myself, I want to be there to congratulate her in her marriage. This morning, I came to this conclusion, that God is in control - He sees beyond what I see. It's strange I woke up, thinking of the hymn: "O Love that wilt not let me go", the second stanza reads:

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

I believe God's message for me about her is God's love will not let her go. God will win her back again and this time her husband to be as well. I can only pray and trust for God to intervene. He can turn the course and change it. I wanna continue to be her friend and be there to see that God will lead her back again.

Just smsed, and we are meeting for dinner!!! I cook. :)

Don't leave life to chance, it ain't gonna work.